The Grizzly Bear Flare

Well, now it is Saturday morning (4:1 5 AM) and some things this morning are very different than they have been for the past week.  I am just now beginning to shake the dust from my feet where as recently as yesterday, I was shackled by intense pain.  I had a flare..a whole body flare in which every conceivable joint was inflamed and non functional.  

Yesterday I began to take Medrol (a steroid) and am now beginning to come through to the other side.  I had so much pain that I could not walk to the kitchen more than once a day and it was a horrible experience.  Two or three days ago I made one trip to the kitchen to get drinks and I made two visits to the bathroom.  my whole body shut down.  No hunger or thirst, no bathroom urgency...it all hurt too much to feel any needs...just to get through the moment I inhabited.  I lived in my recliner.  One night I slept for 12 hours and the next I slept for 13.  But this night, I have steroid insomnia and woke at 1:00 AM and there were other nights when pain kept me conscious.

In the past few mornings I would wake and need the bathroom...I picked up my crutches and O, Lord, help me!  I could not put any weight on my feet.  I had to take a pain pill and wait an hour before it was possible for me to walk the 15 feet into my bathroom.  Today I was able to get up and walk to the kitchen (a longer trek than the bathroom) with only one crutch so was able to bring a couple of dishes from my room to the kitchen. While that is a very happy accomplishment, I now have a steroid migraine as well as the insomnia.  And still, if I move my feet at all I have intense pain in my ankles.  And my other trouble spots: back and shoulders still hurt.  But friends, believe me when I tell you that this pain is far less than it has been in the recent past.

I also have been battling a UTI for about 3 months now and finally went to see an infectious disease (ID) doc (this was before the onset of the flare.)  He put me on an old med that is rarely prescribed now but I am allergic to many antibiotics and this is a  med I've had once before without a problem.  So far, I've not had a problem with the med, but it really has not helped too much yet, either. My rheumatologist believes that this infection has been feeding this awful flare. It's a one-two punch.

It is a very odd feeling.  I don't know if I am coming out of a fog or going into one.  This AM I had trouble recalling what was different.  Was I in a new place? Did I leave my home to come here:? Or am I at home now, returning after being somewhere else?  What terrible thing did I just endure? Where the heck am I?

The clouds are now clearing and I am remembering these past days.  It was a time of intense aloneness. I had no help from anyone. I wore the same clothes for days, sleeping in them also. Other than a roll one day or a little cottage cheese the next, I ate nothing. It was too hard to get to the kitchen let alone to cook or microwave anything.  I really wasn't hungry anyway.  Yesterday for the first time, I posted on Facebook that I had been in a flare and got some offers for help and some good warring prayers...( thank you Hope!)...God answered those prayers and the "Grizzly Bear Flare" is on its way out the door!

I want to thank Dr Bhana, my rheumatologist, who answered my email at 11:00 PM and sent in this Medrol pack then for me to get the next day.  Thank you, Jim and Diane, for picking up those steroids and other meds and bringing them to me. So, yes, I did have some help..mostly yesterday...the days before, less so.  It feels like I've been sick for weeks...although I know if was only for some days. I just looked on my calendar.  On the 16th I came back home from a visit to my dad and that is the day I saw the  ID doc.  I think that pretty much as soon as I got home I slid into "flaredom" and that is why it felt odd to me to be home or like I had just returned from someplace.

Anyway.  Now will begin the steroid brain...and it will be back into the Twilight Zone I go.  One day--hopefully soon--I will be back to my Normal, which is a far cry from most people's normal but it is a lot better than where I've been.  Thank you for your prayers!
(PostScript)
It has been brought to my attention that some could think after reading this post, that I am not really in my right mind.  Maybe I should clarify that this is how I felt on first waking early this AM...a bit dazed and confused.  Not just from sleep, but the confusion of a long, hard journey...time and place can get jumbled.  I do not feel confused now and I am NOT confused now. So please, don't walk away wondering about my sanity. I'm OK! :)