Yesterday was a complete wash.
If you read the post before this one, you will see that I was confused, discouraged, and feeling like I was once more losing my grip.
Well, I won't go down without a fight. I'm not really sure how to fight. Maybe I need to do some physical exercise. I'm sure that would help....just a matter of finding something I can do that won't cause excruciating pain or worse, cause my hip to pop out. I so much wish I had a PT person right about now. Somewhere I must have that folder of exercises I did when my hips were new. Do I? I'm not sure if I do. Well, I know the basic "rules"...I should be able to assess an exercise and know if it breaks the rules or not. I've just been "belly up" and have decided that there is nothing I can do; and I know that that is a cop out. YES. I am extremely limited in what I can do (when you add in the fact that both arms are a notch above useless)--but have I gone through the list of Spark exercises and made a list of what I can and can't do??
NO.
Today I will do that.
Today, also, I will cease and desist in the area of face-stuffage. I went shopping yesterday and in a pity fit bought a bunch of garbage masquerading as food and well, now it's gone. So today, I know what I need to do. And I will do it.
And most importantly, resolution # 3:
I will fall on my face before God today and ask him to PLEASE give me a glimmer of light; a glimpse of direction; a whisper of information; and a heart of courage.
So no, do not think that I've completely gone over the edge of despair and that I've given up.
I'm not there: yet.
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