I Stand Amazed

For the past …week…no, 7 months…no, 5 years…. Anyway…for a long time, I ‘ve been on a mission to recover my health; to pull myself out of this slump of gasping, out-of-shape FATNESS that I’ve fallen into. I’ve gained and then lost 30, 50, pounds several times during my adult life. Most of the gains, I can honestly say, have been due to steroid damage after long bouts with asthma. Accompanying those steroid -gains were times of EXTREME muscle weakness, (called “steroid myopathy”) which once was so bad, I was wheelchair-bound for close to two years and was told I’d never walk again. But each time, I got MAD and worked like a maniac to recover my strength…And each time I DID. Only to be knocked on my can again by another bout of illness or asthma.

In the past three years, I’ve gone through quite a lot of hell – If I told you the whole story, you’d probably think I was making it up…so I won’t- Just trust me when I say that everyone who knows me personally says when they see me “What NOW??” expecting a horror story of health (mental and physical) disaster–and they usually get it. I don’t go out LOOKING for these problems…they come to find ME.

Anyway, two years ago I had meningitis and this followed a time when I was seriously working to get into shape and lose weight…and I’d succeeded. And the meningitis succeeded in not only stealing all that hard won strength, but it made me look emaciated as well. But THEN, followed two years of a lot of psychosis…and combination after combination of psych meds was tried. And there were three of them that did serious damage to my figure. (I won’t mention their names because each person reacts differently to medication, and I don’t want to poison anyone’s mind against a med that might actually help them). On these meds, I gained over 80 pounds in a YEAR AND A HALF! That may be some kind of record…don’t know. But anyway, I finally insisted that they take me off of these zombie juices (because that’s what they turned me into) and put me on a different combo…one that I’d researched and chosen, mostly myself, although my husband helped. And BINGO! Not only am I feeling much more alert; not hallucinating hardly at all; not paranoid (thank GOD); but I am finally able to lose weight.

That does NOT mean that the pounds automatically melt off. No such luck. I have to work as hard as anyone else to lose a pound. I joined Sparkpeople.com to help me in this process. It is an amazing website/community of people who are either striving to lose or to maintain lost weight. They are big on fitness…and healthy eating. There are forums, nutrician/calorie trackers, fitness trackers, weight/measurement reports, a place to design your own “Spark Page” and keep blogs…It’s great!! And it’s FREE. Whether you have 400 pounds to lose (and there are people on that site who’ve DONE that!) or whether you are struggling over 10 pounds…or whether you just want to improve your health, it’s a great place to go.

This was not intended to be a Spark advertisement…but a testimonial as to how my life and health have changed and are changing. In March, I was in the hospital with asthma…then I couldn’t even walk down the hall of the hospital to the nurse’s station because I was so weak and so out of breath (and this was the day I went HOME from there!). But I had decided then that I wanted my health back and would fight to do it. As I left the hospital, I asked my doctor what kind of exercise he thought I’d eventually be able to do. He said emphatically, “NONE.” But then conceded that ultimately I may be able to take short walks, as long as I could tolerate.

Within a couple of months, I’d lost 30 pounds, but then gained back 10…and stayed there for quite a while. My period of nausea and the fasting I did then, broke my plateau after my surgery and that helped me to renew my momentum and determination. Since I’ve come home, I’ve begun to walk outside everyday…my only goal being “to go further than the day before”. Today I walked (and RAN a bit!!!) over 3 miles…mostly up and down hills, since I live in the mountains. The best part was that this was the first day I came home feeling GOOD, not like I was going to die! I’ve lost many inches on my hips, thighs, and waist…and now finally, my upper arms are beginning to join the team and display the results of my workouts. I’ve lost a total of 45 pounds thus far. Right now I’m at another slight plateau…but I know that this is because I am gaining muscle weight and losing fat weight…and the muscle gains are greater.

I’m so excited to be doing yoga again! And yesterday I did an aerobics video…17 minute long program…and I COMPLETED it!! I never thought I’d have the breath to do that ever again. (I do have to say that my asthma has been very cooperative and is staying out of my way for now…I just have to avoid getting sick! That’s when I have problems.) I’ve been doing some strength training as well. And I am, for once, not going to extremes in terms of drastically cutting calories but am focusing on eating balanced, healthy meals …and maintaining a good calorie range for maximum weight loss and health.

This is turning into a book! I just wanted to encourage you, if you are struggling and things look hopeless. They are only hopeless if you AGREE that they are. Get mad! PUSH BACK!