uh oh; not now!!

This is going to be cryptic; either that or one long sentence...having trouble with organizing my thoughts today. Let's try for cryptic:
Daughter's still gone; most likely not coming back....
Husband cannot accept this; won't...He is grieving in a horrific way.
me?
I'm too busy chasing down the men who are stomping around on my porch in the middle of the night; turning off my electricity and gunning car engines and pealing out of my driveway as they escape. Last night I called 911; yeah. I know.
What I would like to know is this: I am wearing my Mp3 headphones 24/7 cranked at FULL volume on some very noisy music. How IS it that I can still hear their voices and footsteps....AHHH there's my first clue.

So now what is my means of dealing ? Well, isn't it obvious? Shut all the blinds, lock all the doors; go into my room; lock that door too. hide under the bed-covers with my music on and my sweatshirt hood pulled all the way over my eyes...all to hide from these specters, demons; apparitions...whatever you want to call it. I figure that babies have it right: If I can't see YOU, then YOU can't see me.
OKay, that approach was not successful because then, my chair began to swell and pulse under me and the panic reached epic proportions. When all else fails: do what you're supposed to do right?
So I called the psychiatrist; all of my psych meds are maxed out...no where to go. So she is trying to go after the demons with an antianxiety drug which can calm me and also work in conjunction with the other meds and make them more effective. This disturbs me somewhat..yeah calm sounds nice...but if I let my guard down, if I fall asleep they'll have the upper hand in no time and then what? OK, I think you get the general idea of what is going on here.
My biggest concern is my husband's guaranteed response to this new stress in a world where the stress monitor has already blown the roof off. He will freak out. Worry constantly. won't let me out of his sight until the moment he signs the papers that the admissions dept hands him...yeah.
Let's hope that this is truly a response to the unbelievable grief I've experienced for the past week and that it will go away. Soon. Like NOW. My daughter was right to flee this nut house. But I do miss her horribly.