Where Am I?

I just read my previous post, and while my circumstances haven't changed, my attitude is a bit better, I hope. I am finding that, as is usually the case when we are overcome by the circumstances of life, that I had drifted a bit from the embrace of Y'shua and had wandered into the dangerous territory of self-reliance. I've been working on correcting this situation, but still have a way to go before I can say that I'm once again really intimate with the Lord.

When the Scriptures become mere words on a page and an obligation, not a desire or need to delve into; when prayer becomes sporadic and consists mostly of guilty admissions of failure, a person can pretty much guarantee that the distance between them and the God of the Universe is too great. It is then time to "draw close" and to be nourished on the gifts of his Spirit that he longs to give us if only we would unclench our hands.

As for me, my life has been more of the same: illness and pain and not being able to do very much. Today, I have to go for some preparatory blood work for the MRI of my brain which I am having tomorrow,to determine whether the doctor is correct in his guess that I have a tumor growing on my pituitary gland. This condition, although not life-threatening, is not fun to live with and is just ONE MORE THING on my plate...and I really have lost my appetite by now!

Well, all these things have made it even more essential that I draw close once more to the Lord Jesus, because I really need his help in pulling all these burdens around and I cannot roll them onto his shoulders unless he is close by and I really cannot do it anymore myself.

My psych meds have been changed once more because I was having a terrible side effect on the one I was taking and it had to be discontinued, much to the dismay of my husband. I guess he LIKED having an emotionally dead person for a wife! I feel better now that I am on this medicine, however, he maintains that I have deteriorated now that I am on it. I do agree that my memory is rapidly disintegrating. This leaves me with immense cognitive problems and problems in functioning on a daily basis... I had this problem earlier on other meds as well, but the problem seems to be increasing in severity and is becoming a real detriment to me on a daily basis.