The Fog that is Me

I haven’t had a word to say; not in blogs, in journals, or in person. Why? I’m not sure. Partly because I feel like it’s not worth the effort. Partly because there is nothing of interest in my life to talk about and partly because I think, I am feeling very badly about myself. I am not sure if I am depressed. Maybe I am. I don’t do anything all day. Just wash the dishes and sit in my recliner. Even the internet has lost appeal to me now. More often than not, I am just sitting and staring into space, or sleeping.

It’s pathetic. A pathetic excuse for a life.

I am trying to lose weight because that is one of the reasons I am feeling badly about myself. But even that seems pointless and not worth it. I will only end up gaining it back with the next round of steroids, so why bother? And it’s not like many people see me anyway. I’m sure those who catch a glimpse of me at Walmart on my Saturday grocery trip must think “EEeeewww, what is THAT?” But that’s okay because I don’t know them and never will.

I can feel my mind shriveling into a useless blob of gray matter. It is not occupied with anything of significance. It is occupied BY a significant One, but he doesn’t have much of my attention either now. I am wandering. Not really falling down the rabbit hole…Nothing as interesting as that. I am merely wandering aimlessly in a dense fog, not knowing my way home and not really interested in finding it.

(I hope this blog post doesn't disappoint you. No, I do NOT have it all together and No, I am NOT always peaceful and happy. In fact I wouldn't describe myself as happy at all in maybe the past....???....years. I am sometimes ((maybe usually)) content, but happiness is too intense of an emotion to have occupied my mind lately.)