A Change of Heart

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timbrel#/media/File:Deff_-_Tambourine,_p._579_in_Thomson,_1859.jpg

"Perhaps it wasn’t the parting of the sea that caused Miriam to dance, but rather the sea parted because Miriam began dancing way back in Egypt when she prepared for that day. Remember, while miracles have the ability to inspire faith, it also works the other way around. Our faith has the ability to inspire miracles."
10-14-19 installment of Bible Gateway's Devotion, "A Woman of Valor"

My "go to" response to problems (real, potential, imaginary or valid)  is panic and worry.  I'm not proud to admit that. I do not know if it is due to a flawed faith, a symptom of my mental illness, or just a quirk of my personality....but in any case, it makes it difficult for those around me to tolerate me and it also is not God-honoring.  How can I claim to be a person of faith and yet to fall prey so easily to fear?  And that is what it is.  It is fear.

When I was a little girl and afraid at night, my parents taught me Psalm 27:1 and told me to recite it when I was afraid ("The Lord is my Light and my Salvation, whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?")  I especially liked that verse because it said that the Lord is my Light.  It was the darkness and the unknown that frightened me.

Now, at age 50-something, not too much has changed.  The unknown whether in general or regarding specific problems, terrifies me.  Well now, sitting in a soup pot of assorted problems caused by a change in our insurance benefit package and my poor health which means medications, hospitals and MD's all need to either be approved or changed.  Initially this caused me great stress.  G-R-E-A-T stress!

So yesterday I decided that I was not going to let the enemy of my soul kick me around  the block anymore.  I was going to respond in faith and in the peace that this faith brings along with it.  I decided that I would await the salvation of the Lord with anticipation rather than angst.  I called to mind many, many times when  God has come through and saved me from dire trouble.

And then in my email this AM, I got a devotion sent out daily to me by biblegateway.com in their series called "A Woman of Valor". (I like that title by the way.  I would LOVE to be a woman of valor) And it talked about how Miriam (Moses' sister) led the women in song, dance and praise once the Red Sea had come crashing down and drowned the entire Egyptian army who was pursuing God's people.  The devotion pointed out that the women were using instruments in their dancing and singing..Tambourines and timbrels.  And it asked, "Where did these instruments come from? the sky?"  The devotion then explained that in Jewish tradition, Miriam and the women made these instruments while they were still slaves in Egypt, in anticipation and faith for the day they would be freed and could then dance and praise the Lord.

I thought too of a later sea crossing when the Children of Israel were in the wilderness and needed to cross the Jordan River in order to lay claim to the land God had promised them.  God spoke to them and told the priests, who were carrying the precious Ark of the Covenant which was what contained God's glory and presence, to step into the river--before it was dried up! In other words, they had to  put their money where their mouth was and risk everything in order to move forward in faith and ALSO to prompt God to honor their faith by parting the waters and giving them a dry path on which to cross.

So today, I am putting my feet in the river.  And I am expecting great things from the hand of God....and I will have tambourine in hand in anticipation of the day when all these problems have been resolved in to our benefit.  I'm sure that my lack of panic will make things easier as I can think logically and recall what I've been told in all these phone calls.  And I'm sure that my husband and my dad who always bear the brunt of my worry and fear, will be very glad about this change of heart.  And that is what it is.  
It is a change in my heart.