Tuesday, October 22, 2019

When You Can't be Forgiven

Tonight has not been one of my better nights, for sleep or for being awake.  Earlier - around 11:00 - I heard my husband up and wrote him an email...which was so ill-advised you have to wonder what the heck I have in my head instead of brains.  Predictably his reply was harsh.  I ended up going back to sleep around 1:00 AM and got up around 3:00 AM.  And I woke feeling a heaviness in my chest that told me that something bad had happened even before I was conscious enough to recall what it was.

I think of James 1--"Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" So we both blew those directives. Then  what?  What comes next?  Well, ideally it would be apologies and then forgiveness.  I sent my apology via email when I saw how stupid my first email was.  And forgiveness is an empowerment by the Spirit of God.  It is not something one cannot hope to attain by an act of the will alone...so I cannot expect to receive it from my husband.  And somehow I must find a way to accept that and leave it alone.

In such times, when we do something unwise, unkind, or something that carries terrible consequences and we  can not receive forgiveness--how might we go on? How do we find peace?
Well we know that unforgiveness is a terrible sin--in fact Jesus said "If you do not forgive others (70x7), you cannot expect for God to forgive you."  Whoa.   Serious stuff.  But as I said, I do not believe that forgiveness is totally possible for an unbeliever. It was Christ's blood and sacrifice on the cross that bought us God's forgiveness and it is through the gratitude we feel as a response, that we can find the grace to forgive others who have wounded us.  And what I felt moved to do tonight is maybe the best we can offer in circumstances like this.  We ask God to forgive  our indiscretion or unkindness or whatever it was--and in that forgiveness that God gives, agree to lay the issue at Jesus' feet  and trust him to work restoration with the person we have wounded or angered. And while forgiveness from them may never come, we can know, at least, that God has cleared the slate and we are once more in good standing with him.

God is bigger than our error and foolishness. We can ask him to limit the negative consequences and to grant us grace to move on and hopefully learn from our errors. Trust him to restore the relationship in his time and, until then,  receive the comfort that God offers.

No comments: