The Victor's Cry

Thank you to those of you who have been praying for me in this season of "extra-strength" pain.  I've been pretty much staying in bed,-sometimes in the recliner - but I'm finding even the recliner hurts. I've been spending a lot of time praying as God has brought several "prayer assignments" from friends who are facing a variety of serious problems and challenges. And in this season of prayer I am finding that the enemy has been doing his best to undermine my aptitude in prayer.  He is working to convince me that I have no right to ask things of  God because yesterday I thought of something I had done or said in the past and it was not something I was proud of.....in fact the enemy had a great time with me being in agony over it....feeling like,, "Wow Can God overlook this offense? It is so terrible, certainly he must be greatly disappointed with me."

And I suffered for some  minutes in this agony until, like a bright sun dawning into the darkness of the night, came the thought of the blood of Jesus, and the sure certainty that while God  was not really overlooking the sin,...he didn't look at the checklist of my sins on his clipboard and peer over his glasses at me and say, "Wellll, I know you meant well....we'll just let this one slide."  No.  that is not true forgiveness.  Forgiveness has a price, a high cost, one I cannot possibly pay.  Overlooking an offense would still leave me in debt.  It would not eradicate the blight of guilt that I was suffering.  And for this sin there was not even the hope of God closing His eyes.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a disappointment.  I felt like a dirty, scummy sinner  And that is what I am.

But the beautiful thought of my freedom bought at such an impossibly high price....the life of God Himself on the cross for me....came to me and once more, I wondered in the amazement of the Gospel.  And I thought about the idea of God being disappointed in me.

Did you know that God is not disappointed in you....even when you blow it "big time"? He knows you and I inside and out...both before and after we've messed up. Since he held no false illusions about us, he cannot be disappointed by our failures. He is so aware of our lack that he made a plan before Time itself existed to make right our wrongs and to pay for them completely...with his own blood. So accept his forgiveness, Cynthia,, admit that you need it, forgive yourself and move on being ever more delighted in the freedom from the condemnation I really did deserve. (Roman's 8:1, 4)

These thoughts brought me such relief; such joy..  It is so good to know that there IS no clipboard  listing sins, overlooked or not.  My sin is GONE. Buried in the deepest sea---it is as far as the East is from the West.
I want to share with you some of my favorite verses in Scripture which I'd memorized years ago:

The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
    slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
⁹ He will not constantly accuse us,
    nor remain angry forever.
¹⁰ He does not punish us for all our sins;
    he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
¹¹ For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
    is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
¹² He has removed our sins as far from us
    as the east is from the west.
¹³ The Lord is like a father to his children,
    tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
¹⁴ For he knows how weak we are;
    he remembers we are only dust.
Psalm 103:8-14

Aren't those the most beautiful words you've ever heard?  If you are as much of a filthy sinner as I am, they will be wondrous to you also.  
Like Augustine found, in his book "Confessions" that the more sin he confessed, the more sin he discovered he had...It is like digging in your yard, the deeper you dig, the more rocks you find and every time you think you've finally gotten them all, you find another 20 of them.  A person could really get discouraged in their attempt to confess every sin.  I have stopped trying to look for sins to confess....but when they appear in my consciousness, I do not give them a chance to kick me around.  I bring them to the cross.  

Recently I was reading something, an article by Michael S Lundy written for Desiring God Ministries.  he was quoting Richard Baxter, a 17th century Puritan physician turned pastor:

'Think as much about the mercy you have received as you do about the sin you have committed."  in other words, don't spend a lot of time in morbid self-hatred and thoughts of your unworthiness.  Rather take immense delight in the grace and mercy of God and be delighted in the depth of his love that sent him to the cross in pursuit of clearing you and me of the sin that so easily entangles us. Yes recognize your sin and its awfulness, consider the cost to God and the lengths he went to to free us...but then rejoice because of the Victor's cry from the cross "IT IS FINISHED!!!"