A couple of weeks ago, something came to my mind and it was something I felt that God wanted me to do. But it was a hard thing to do! It went against every core of selfishness and materialism in my soul. It was something that was kind of crazy. It was extreme. I kept saying "Lord is this you? Is it your voice telling me to do this?" So I thought, well, if it isn't God, who is it?....Would the enemy be telling me to do this? A big, fat NO to that question. Is it my own mind?? Another big "NO"---if it was my mind telling me to do something, it certainly would have been something easier to do.

So then, I thought of another way. A way of equal cost to myself , and it was certainly a worthy cause....but it was not what God was telling me to do. I pursued that detour and after it was done, I realized it was not what God was asking of me. So my disobedience cost me double what obedience would have cost me.

Earlier this week, a verse came to my mind. A verse that blazed in my heart and I knew it was God speaking to me.

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:17 (NASB)

Ouch Lord. You mean I can't just ignore this voice, this command, and it won't go away? But you know. My struggle was not over. I rationalized. Bargained....and out and out refused. And then yesterday the straw that broke my camel of resistance came:

Joyful are people of integrity who follow the instructions of the Lord, Ps. 119:1

Is this promise true Lord?  If I just suck it up and obey, you will bring joy to my heart?

So.

I did what the Lord had been telling at me to do ...And do you know? First thing I felt was relief!! It is HARD WORK to argue with God!  And then ....can it be?? YES! I felt JOY!!! 

At first I was concerned with my procrastination.  Maybe God would not honor my obedience because it was like three weeks after he originally told me what he wanted me to do.  But  then I remembered the illustration that Jesus said, "Suppose there are two brothers and their father told each of them to do something.  The first  brother  said "Yes Dad, I'll get right on it." But he did not keep his word.  The second brother said "No, Dad, I'm not doing it" but later changed his mind and went and did it.  Which was the son who was obedient?"  Yep.  son #2.

God is loving and patient.  He knows that sometimes we need to struggle a bit before we are ready to obey...but he has promised JOY to those who obey in the long run.  Because God ratified his command to me by Scripture and by a sense of certainty in my prayers, I leaned on his strength, omniscience, and love for me and these gave me the courage to obey.  And  you know what? God will reward me for my obedience.  He's just good like that .