I'm bored today. Yesterday I was at my dad's since I stayed over night after our Christmas celebration. Then we picked up my groceries that Walmart so kindly shopped and packed up for me. Today I went to brunch with a friend and then came home where I did some reading and met my 2018 goal of reading 24 books as Goodreads hosted the challenge.HAH! In my teen years I would read that many in a month.
Next week I have an appointment at an orthopedic store. They are going to try to make orthopedic shoes for me to house my deformed and swollen feet. All my hopes are on this. Without this, I am wheelchair material...however there is no room in my house for a w/c so I have to wait until my number comes up in the local senior housing. This is the only senior housing around that defines "Senior" as 55+ Fortunately they are clean and nice with gardens and nice walkways outside. The apartments are VERY small. I wish I could afford a two bedroom one. It will call for quite an edit of my belongings. Since my next step after that is a nursing home where I will likely have half a room, I guess I can call it "practice."
I don't want to leave my home and my husband...but my life has really become defined and confined by pain. Pain around the clock. I have a lot of endurance and can take a lot...but this is maxing me out. It is sucking all the fun and joy out of my life. I find it hard to smile even for pictures. The agony that going up and down my deck steps is not really describable. It's so bad that I often choose to stay home rather than face it.
I feel too, that it is sucking the life right out of my brain. I have no thoughts worthy of sharing or writing. I know people have been checking my blog looking for a current entry and there has been NADA. Poverty of thought and speech are symptoms of SZ (Schizophrenia---which you may or may not know that I have). But I think that my problem there has been maybe quadrupled due to pain. In short I am a brainless-wonder, with nothing of value to impart. I've been trying to read more, and reading my Bible looking for insights to share.
I promise that I will continue to look for ways to cross this Great Divide between me and everyone else....me and life...and will try to come up with something to inspire you. Or at least to make you laugh and at the very least, to make you glad you aren't me :)
Next week I have an appointment at an orthopedic store. They are going to try to make orthopedic shoes for me to house my deformed and swollen feet. All my hopes are on this. Without this, I am wheelchair material...however there is no room in my house for a w/c so I have to wait until my number comes up in the local senior housing. This is the only senior housing around that defines "Senior" as 55+ Fortunately they are clean and nice with gardens and nice walkways outside. The apartments are VERY small. I wish I could afford a two bedroom one. It will call for quite an edit of my belongings. Since my next step after that is a nursing home where I will likely have half a room, I guess I can call it "practice."
I don't want to leave my home and my husband...but my life has really become defined and confined by pain. Pain around the clock. I have a lot of endurance and can take a lot...but this is maxing me out. It is sucking all the fun and joy out of my life. I find it hard to smile even for pictures. The agony that going up and down my deck steps is not really describable. It's so bad that I often choose to stay home rather than face it.
I feel too, that it is sucking the life right out of my brain. I have no thoughts worthy of sharing or writing. I know people have been checking my blog looking for a current entry and there has been NADA. Poverty of thought and speech are symptoms of SZ (Schizophrenia---which you may or may not know that I have). But I think that my problem there has been maybe quadrupled due to pain. In short I am a brainless-wonder, with nothing of value to impart. I've been trying to read more, and reading my Bible looking for insights to share.
I promise that I will continue to look for ways to cross this Great Divide between me and everyone else....me and life...and will try to come up with something to inspire you. Or at least to make you laugh and at the very least, to make you glad you aren't me :)
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