This is one of those times when I've thought about posting here--wanted to--but just have come up with nothing. In the past I've found that if I start to type, God will usually point a direction for me to take.
I usually do not sleep well. Pain and difficulty breathing tend to interrupt most nights. Plus I keep kind of ridiculous hours. I go to bed between 5:30--7:00 and I get up anywhere between 11;00 PM and 3:00 AM. Last night the temps were very high. We had had some rain in the evening and that did bring a touch of coolness to the air...that paired with a fan that a friend so kindly purchased for me, kept the air moving and sleep was possible. Actually I slept from 5:30 PM until 5:00 AM!! YES ...11.5 hours. Overtly, that seems like a good thing...and it would be wonderful if I did not wake up more tired than I was when I went to sleep.
I have discovered that there are painful flares and there are exhaustion flares. And I am recognizing the latter today. A friend of mine picked me up and took me to pick up my grocery order from Walmart and he suggested on the way over that we stop in to a nearby nursing home where a lady from my church is staying but will be moving down South to be with her daughter. She probably doesn't have very long to live and quite possibly this would have been my last chance to see her. And do you know what? I was too tired to consider walking any further than from my house to the car. That and the fact that my ankles have both lost the benefit of the last injections I got, made me loath to go and visit this friend.
I'm feeling really guilty but at the same time, i know that without a wheelchair, it would have been impossible. Plus the man who drove me to Walmart is elderly and i could not ask him to heft that wheelchair from my house to the trunk of the car....and if he did, there would have been no place for the groceries. So feeling guilty is not really profitable --nor really merited.
Sometimes, when you have a debilitating, chronic illness, you have to make decisions that are not really understood nor appreciated by your friends and acquaintances. And there are also times when a person looking at me would not have an accurate "read" on my level of wellness or disability. These are the times when you have to -as Shakespeare said so nicely- "to thine own self be true." And you have to, in those times, understand that others may not be the best judges of what is true for you and what isn't.
I usually do not sleep well. Pain and difficulty breathing tend to interrupt most nights. Plus I keep kind of ridiculous hours. I go to bed between 5:30--7:00 and I get up anywhere between 11;00 PM and 3:00 AM. Last night the temps were very high. We had had some rain in the evening and that did bring a touch of coolness to the air...that paired with a fan that a friend so kindly purchased for me, kept the air moving and sleep was possible. Actually I slept from 5:30 PM until 5:00 AM!! YES ...11.5 hours. Overtly, that seems like a good thing...and it would be wonderful if I did not wake up more tired than I was when I went to sleep.
I have discovered that there are painful flares and there are exhaustion flares. And I am recognizing the latter today. A friend of mine picked me up and took me to pick up my grocery order from Walmart and he suggested on the way over that we stop in to a nearby nursing home where a lady from my church is staying but will be moving down South to be with her daughter. She probably doesn't have very long to live and quite possibly this would have been my last chance to see her. And do you know what? I was too tired to consider walking any further than from my house to the car. That and the fact that my ankles have both lost the benefit of the last injections I got, made me loath to go and visit this friend.
I'm feeling really guilty but at the same time, i know that without a wheelchair, it would have been impossible. Plus the man who drove me to Walmart is elderly and i could not ask him to heft that wheelchair from my house to the trunk of the car....and if he did, there would have been no place for the groceries. So feeling guilty is not really profitable --nor really merited.
Sometimes, when you have a debilitating, chronic illness, you have to make decisions that are not really understood nor appreciated by your friends and acquaintances. And there are also times when a person looking at me would not have an accurate "read" on my level of wellness or disability. These are the times when you have to -as Shakespeare said so nicely- "to thine own self be true." And you have to, in those times, understand that others may not be the best judges of what is true for you and what isn't.
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