I have been having a kind of strange series of events. I have had obsession in the past year or two involving insect infestations. Bugs such as bed bugs, crabs (ugh) and this time: lice. As my family in frustration, pointed out to me, "you don't just HAVE lice...you have to GET them somehow." And seeing as I rarely go out and am in no close contact to people..... Well, my rationalization was a shirt I got at the Salvation Army and failed to wash before I wore it.....well, that's how I got lice.
So as I had mentioned one or two posts ago, I have been negligent of spending time with God. I prayed him in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry, I know I have been neglecting you and my time with you. Please though, help me with this."
Meanwhile I had ordered a shipment from Amazon of products to get rid of lice. I had felt them crawling in my hair...had even seen them. But when my husband asked me to show him, I could not find one.
SO I contacted my hair dresser who asked her friend, a school nurse who checks 100's of heads each year for lice, to stop by and take a look at me. So she did and said I had a very, very dry and scaly scalp from psoriasis. But there were no bugs or eggs.
I was very relieved and made arrangements to return the shampoo etc to Amazon...but I held on to it for a little while...just to be sure. Let me say here that my gratitude to God after hearing the nurse's report was short lived as was my study and prayer time. I still talked to him, but lacked the discipline of a regular time focused on him alone.
Then today...I don't know why....but the lice obsession came back...and I was fearful. As I prayed about this, the knowledge of my failure to maintain proximity to God came back and I felt a true horror. How could I ask God to spare me yet again? I was crushed by my sin. I read Psalm 51: of David's repentance for his murder of Uriah and adultery with Bathsheba. I cried. (Yep) but was in mortal terror still of the bugs that I now know I deserved. I thought about my God Box and thought I would read a verse about God's wrath and indignation at our (my) sin. I pulled out today's verse and this is what I read:
"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." Ps 34:18
That was it. I bawled. Then I knew that lice or none, I would get through it in quietness of spirit and a firm conviction of the close proximity of the Lord.
(Just an addendum: I just now realized that this was yesterday's verse, which I had used yesterday to encourage a friend. It was so clearly God's word to me today, that I forgot all about the verse I'd used yesterday and I knew that God was speaking these words to me alone.)
I did still have my daughter carefully inspect my hair with this special lice comb I'd bought and she came up with nothing other than dry skin. Praise God that he is good to the second and third generations of our sins --out of his great mercy!
(another note: These delusional fears and accompanying hallucinations are the result of my mental illness and cause a paralyzing terror...so if you are left scratching your head ( :D ) over my fears just realize where they are coming from.)
So as I had mentioned one or two posts ago, I have been negligent of spending time with God. I prayed him in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry, I know I have been neglecting you and my time with you. Please though, help me with this."
Meanwhile I had ordered a shipment from Amazon of products to get rid of lice. I had felt them crawling in my hair...had even seen them. But when my husband asked me to show him, I could not find one.
SO I contacted my hair dresser who asked her friend, a school nurse who checks 100's of heads each year for lice, to stop by and take a look at me. So she did and said I had a very, very dry and scaly scalp from psoriasis. But there were no bugs or eggs.
I was very relieved and made arrangements to return the shampoo etc to Amazon...but I held on to it for a little while...just to be sure. Let me say here that my gratitude to God after hearing the nurse's report was short lived as was my study and prayer time. I still talked to him, but lacked the discipline of a regular time focused on him alone.
Then today...I don't know why....but the lice obsession came back...and I was fearful. As I prayed about this, the knowledge of my failure to maintain proximity to God came back and I felt a true horror. How could I ask God to spare me yet again? I was crushed by my sin. I read Psalm 51: of David's repentance for his murder of Uriah and adultery with Bathsheba. I cried. (Yep) but was in mortal terror still of the bugs that I now know I deserved. I thought about my God Box and thought I would read a verse about God's wrath and indignation at our (my) sin. I pulled out today's verse and this is what I read:
"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." Ps 34:18
That was it. I bawled. Then I knew that lice or none, I would get through it in quietness of spirit and a firm conviction of the close proximity of the Lord.
(Just an addendum: I just now realized that this was yesterday's verse, which I had used yesterday to encourage a friend. It was so clearly God's word to me today, that I forgot all about the verse I'd used yesterday and I knew that God was speaking these words to me alone.)
I did still have my daughter carefully inspect my hair with this special lice comb I'd bought and she came up with nothing other than dry skin. Praise God that he is good to the second and third generations of our sins --out of his great mercy!
(another note: These delusional fears and accompanying hallucinations are the result of my mental illness and cause a paralyzing terror...so if you are left scratching your head ( :D ) over my fears just realize where they are coming from.)
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