A Revelation

What do I look for in a friendship?

1) intelligence (well seasoned with humility)
2) Honesty-don't paint a perfect world when sometimes you are bleeding on the inside.  You don't have to share details but saying " I'm not okay right now" is a good place to start...and maybe you will end there. but that's okay too.
3)  Someone who doesn't constantly "one up" me.  If I hurt-- you hurt worse. If I have a disease so do you and yours is worse. If I share with you a moment when I'd been honored...don't pick that moment to tell me about yours--the next day, I will love to hear your story.
4)The ability to laugh at yourself. Embarrassing moments are the exception to rule #3....I will welcome hearing how you embarrassed yourself worse than I did!! (lol)

I sometimes just question whether I am truly a woman....I mean I know I am.  I like womanly things,Makeup, clothes, gardening, cooking (at least I USED to like to cook but why am I SO uncomfortable around other women? I don't know.I would LIKE to know.  Is it jealousy? Is it? It very well might be.  I mean the perfect house, perfect kids, perfect marriage people DO irk me....and it can  only be because I am jealous.

Gosh, I never before thought of myself as a jealous woman.But God has just opened my eyes...and you know what? I don't like what I see.And all those reasons I don't want to be "one-upped" it's because I want the top honor...If you one up me, I should be GLAD for you....not hating you for it. Jealousy.Envy--those are up there on the top Ten Commandments.This is serious business.All this resentment and dislike of other women is really jealousy...I don't like women who are thinner and prettier than I.I don't like women who are well educated and have completed post-grad work and gotten degrees...when I was locked up in a padded room.I am jealous of women who have a car and can just hop in it and drive off to the gym or to a store so they can buy some more amazing clothes....or to a health food store so as to be really healthy and live their wonderful lives til forever.

Yep this is a bad bad case of green putridity.(like that word? so do I)...Father forgive me for my jealousy toward your daughters. When I look  back...I see instances of this muck at every turn. Oh Lord, forgive me.I was jealous of Sara Frankl....for pete's sake...I have a variety of the same disease she did...I'm stuck in my house most of the time...why did everyone love her and why do they run from me?  it's BECAUSE she loved laughter.She took joy in her women friends and counted even people like me as her friends.She did her best to make people feel good....she didn't have a jealous bone in her body.

How could I have been so blind to what is so clear to me now? FAther,thank you for revealing this. Help me Lord, wash my heart clean of this sin. Alert me every time this green eyed monster raises it's slimy head.