It's 9:45. Normally I would have been asleep long ago. But I'm
hurting....in every conceivable way. My body is dealing with pain that
varies from a dull ache to sharp, shooting pains. Back, hands, neck,
shoulders...feet. All letting me know they are here and are NOT happy.
And
my spirit is in pain too. I won't go into details but my life is
upside down...and there's no one but the Lord to hear me cry out in my
mind. No one but the Lord to give a rip. I'm sad. Heartbreakingly,
achingly sad. A long segment of my life is at a close and the unknown
future teases me with fear and uncertainty as to the location and means
of my survival.
I will find a way. I will find a
means. I will find a place. I will find energy for all of this
somewhere and somehow. God will bring good from it for me. I can
picture that once the initial rending occurs, I will find relief and
freedom. I just need to survive the upheaval. I just need to get
through the changes and need to find myself, singular, apart from
selves, plural.
It is not impossible.
It just feels like it is.
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