I'm beyond tired. Today I left to go to my rheumatologist in NYC at 8:30 A,M and didn't get back until after 5:00. Traffic was horrible and we went through a storm on the way home that was so violent I wasn't sure I'd ever make it home alive. Although I enjoy the trip and I enjoy talking to the friend who takes me; these trips to NY are about all I can manage...and it will probably be Monday before I've recovered somewhat.
I kind of left you all on a cliff hanger with my last post. I've done a lot of thinking and praying since then. My thought processes were fairly complex...wrapping themselves around the book I've been reading and the thoughts there. But my conclusion was pretty simple.:
My days and times are in God's hands. It is from Him that I take my next breath. And when "my time" comes...whether I"m on a biologic or not--nothing will be able to change that appointment I have with God. And visa versa...on a biologic or not; if God wants me alive, then alive I shall be. Therefore, given that; it would be foolish not to take a medicine I clearly need.
So there you have it. My answer. Call it courage. Call it stupidity. Call it faith...I'm not going to change my mind unless God should radically convince me other wise...but since I feel he was central in my line of thought, I don't foresee that happening.
My rheumy made a very true statement today. He said he doesn't think my other doctors have any idea about the severity of my situation or the severity of inflammation and damage to my joints. He's right. They don't. And neither does my husband.
It makes life harder. But it is what it is.
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