My Year in Review

A new year is approaching. It would be hard to miss. Everywhere you go you hear about "New Year's Resolutions" I believe last year, I wrote about (somewhere in one of my blog sites....) how I hate the term "New Year's resolutions... because it has become a mockery...a synonym for failure.

Last year at this time, I made some "RESOLVES" (I thought that sounded firmer and more permanent than the other term). I weighed about 220 at this time last year...having gained 80+pounds in a short span of time from all of the steroids and the massive doses of psych meds they had me on. I also was basically, a zombie. The combination of the mind and body numbing psych meds added to the negative symptoms of the illness (schizophrenia, for those of you who might be new to this blog), left me lethargic and devoid of any ambition or ability to focus on any task. As a result, of this and the disability of severe physical pain combined with asthma which, at that time, left me unable to walk across a room without gasping (literally); all I did was sit on my fat butt and stare into space.

Truly.
That is what I did 24/7.

My room was a disaster area and my house sadly neglected.
I cared about really very little then.
And even when I cared about something, I couldn't summon the energy or will to attend to it.

It was at that point that the pictures in this blog post were taken : http://cynthialottvogel.blogspot.com/2010/11/i-read-blog-of-friend-this-morning.html (see the post, "A Long Journey" from November of this year.)

And it was at the end of December of last year when I started becoming impatient with the state of affairs. And I began to make tiny efforts at change....Tiny overtures toward health.

Two things happened then that changed my life - hopefully, forever.

The first was that I began to read about other psych meds...meds which made some people anxious or agitated. Or which kept them awake. And about one antidepressant which did the same and actually could assist with weight loss. Some people on SZ.com (www.schizophrenia.com) hated these meds. And they reacted badly to them. So I thought to myself, "My meds are making me fat, tired, sluggish and unmotivated. I guess I DO need to take something...but on something that actually makes me feel BETTER and not like I'm already dead." So, I wrote down a list of the meds that I wanted to be on. There was a combination of energizing and sedating medicines...so that some I could take in the morning, and the sedating ones at night. I showed the list to my psychiatrist and told her, "I'd like to try these." She looked them over and agreed to try.

So then began the process of weaning me off of the other drugs and beginning me on the new ones. As these new drugs kicked in, I began to come alive. I was interested in things again. And slowly, slowly, I began to be able to lose weight....It still required effort and self control, but at least now it was POSSIBLE, whereas before, it wasn't.

The other thing that happened back at the end of last December was that I heard about a weight loss program or support group, or something, (I really wasn't sure at the time, what it was ) called "SparkPeople.com." Someone at schiz.com had recommended it to me, so I meandered over there and checked it out.

I was immediately impressed, intrigued and HOOKED. This was (and IS) an awesome site! Comprised of millions of members, worldwide...it is a community of people who are committed to the pursuit of a healthier body and lifestyle. It is based on the time tested principles of a healthy, well rounded diet of moderation. You don't "give up "any foods that you do not want to give up...(although Funny Bones are NOT generally encouraged.) It is also committed to the idea of exercise and overall activity. As much as your body is able to generate. Granted there are some people who are limited in their ability to move...But SP works with you, offering exercise ideas for every level of fitness or lack thereof.

I saw pictures and read stories of people who'd lost over a hundred pounds - some even several hundred - and were now running marathons. These were people who had been wheelchair or bed-bound, simply from their immense size.

As I read more and more, I got more and more excited.
I could DO this!

The biggest problem other than my pain issues, was the asthma which was so very limiting to my level of activity. After my last massive asthma attack last April, (which left me even fatter and more swollen after huge doses of IV steroids for over a two week span in the hospital), I was fatter and weaker and more breathless than ever.

Up until this point, honestly, I'd been very tentative in my level of involvement at Spark. But somehow, as I laid in that hospital bed, I knew that if something didn't drastically change, I would soon be dead.
And I decided that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired (and fat) ....

So I began to gradually be more committed. more involved. more active.
My exercise plan at first went like this: every day do more than you did the day before. The first time I ventured out my front door to walk, I was terrified. I knew that I might very well not make it back. That day, I think I got down my driveway...and then had to come back.
But I didn't quit.
Each day I went further, praying with every step for God to give me the strength to get there and back. Now when I originally thought about walking in my neighborhood, I immediately thought, "IMPOSSIBLE. " My house is located in the Pocono Mountains. And while they are not like the Rockies or anything, there is no such thing as level ground here. EVERYTHING is either uphill or downhill. So to think of walking, never mind powerwalking...ONE mile, let alone two, or three...was a pipe dream. But eventually, that's what I was doing.

I was determined. And I have an awesome God.

There were naysayers. My doctor, who told me that my lungs could not tolerate any demand placed on them. My mom told me I'd end up killing myself if I tried to exercise or walk. My husband who told me that changing meds was madness and would land me back in the hospital.

Let me just give you a progress report now, one year later.
I've dropped from a size 18 and sometimes 20, to a size 10. I now wear mediums instead of XXL. I'm up to now, at least 45 minutes daily of high impact aerobics alternating with weight training. I've lost 34" total on my body (of fat) and lost between 51 and 61 pounds (I'm not positive of my starting weight because I avoided scales...at the last I was weighed it was 210 but I know I gained weight after that). And I have gained and am gaining new muscle.
Other than being admitted for a hip replacement (yes, that came in the middle of all of this), I haven't been hospitalized since last April...for any reason...Nor have I had a single cold or respiratory infection. I made it through the entire fall, which is typically , my worst season, without a glitch.

I still have a way to go before I'm at my goals...but I am well on my way.
And I'm not quitting now.

So when you hear of people making resolutions that fail....well they just didn't want to change badly enough.
This year I challenge you: whatever your limitations; whatever you feel makes your situation, "impossible"...I tell you it's only impossible if you believe that it is. With God all things are possible. But you have to believe that first. And then act based on that belief. And things will begin to change.

Yes, I still struggle with asthma, but I also can now run up and down a flight of stairs without breathlessness.
I still struggle - mightily - with severe pain.
I still struggle with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
But God gets me over each hurdle as they come and I don't look at the hurdles as roadblocks. They are rather, hurdles....and I'm getting to be an awesome hurdle jumper!