Public Places

Today will be busy.

• Church this morning

• a graduation/birthday party

• the weekly shopping trip to Walmart

For ME, that's busy. And it will most likely involve a lot of pain. I'm sitting here now, willing myself not to "hurl" the tea that I just drank as the nausea I've had from these IV antibiotics tosses my stomach like a rowboat on the ocean....And I still have yet to take today's dose! As we speak, I am warming the IV bag under my thigh as I sit here because I just took it from the refrigerator.

I think it's definitely going to be a long day.

Last night I tossed in pain; switching from bed to recliner and back probably four times seeking relief.

Yesterday, we went to a mall not too far away and I think that that was my biggest excursion out since I got home from the hospital. Even though I was, most of the time, in my wheelchair; it was exhausting...but exhilarating. How nice to be out of my house for once! And as always, that pleasure was intermingled with my usual terror and paranoia that strikes me in public places.

I think today will be even worse because I will be in a crowd of mostly strangers at this party; and yet many of them know my daughter and are not thinking kindly of her at the moment...due to the gossip and lying tongue of a former "best friend"... I know that she is going to be uncomfortable also, but we both love the girl in whose honor the celebration is; and we wanted to be there for her. I admire my daughter's courage for facing these snapping jaws of the wolves...(newly graduated seniors).

I don't understand why kids are so cruel. Why do they believe the stories of someone who is obviously less than trustworthy and decide to ruin the public career of someone who really did nothing to deserve such treatment? Are adults that vicious also? Because most of my friends are followers of Christ, I am sheltered from the reality of the answer to that question. As someone who struggles with paranoia and feeling like people have motives other than what is apparent; that question is very discomfiting to me. I always feel like I have a third head or the words "Paranoid Schizophrenic" tattooed on my forehead when I'm out and about. This feeling subsides a bit in comfortable situations such as at church or Bible study but settings like I will be in today just scream for trouble. I will probably clam up today; or just talk to my daughter and her boyfriend and try not to focus on all the other eyes and tongues which may (or may not) be focused on me.

Oh well,...time for my IV infusion. Wish me well today ...and if you know Yahweh, say a prayer for me also!