My Shrinking World

Well, several steps were taken yesterday in the process of reducing my life to just one small room in my house. It seems so unreal but it is becoming more and more apparent that this bedroom is going to be home base…probably until I need to go and stay in an assisted living facility. That idea is so foreign; so huge; that I am having lots of trouble wrapping my mind around it…but I guess it’s good that it is not happening all at once, so I do have time to adapt to the idea. My mind keeps arguing that I'm not old enough for this to happen. And I'm not.

First came the giving up of being able to cook, and clean and take care of my own house. Then came the giving up of my two rooms downstairs where most of my belongings lie….Giving away craft and art supplies…etc… is like parting with a good friend, each one of them. Giving up gardening also brought some tears...Those of you who know me well, know of my passion for growing herbs.

And now I am giving up driving. This huge step also happened in stages. First for over a year I had to hand over the keys because I was psychotic so much of the time that my husband wouldn’t let me drive. (And that, after several car accidents due to that very reason)…Then I drove locally a bit; and now, today, I am giving my car to a family who needs it a lot more than I do because they are out of work and without a car. So that will be it I think…no more driving. I used to love to drive. It was my only real freedom, in those miserable years after and during college when I so often needed to leap into my car and just ESCAPE to where ever. But lately when I drive I notice that I am tending to make really bad and dangerous decisions,not to mention the fact that I can no longer turn my head to look behind me! So good bye car. Good bye much of my freedom.

But I do think that God is giving me this time at home alone,in order to transcribe many of my notes and writings throughout the years into some kind of cohesiveness; at least to make them legible to and perhaps, usable to someone. And so, that is what I’ve been working on doing, here in these days, prior to surgery. (I’m having major surgery on the 25th of this month. I will be pretty immobile for awhile afterward…thus the transfers to the upstairs room). Anyway, this is turning into a book rather than a blog. Sorry, friends. My thoughts are wandering all over this evening…Looking back; looking at my present circumstances and not daring to think ahead. But no matter where I go or what happens, I have my Lord Jesus. And nothing: neither height, nor depth, nor powers, nor sickness nor disease nor pain, nor death, can separate me from the Love of God which is found in Christ Jesus. (my paraphrase!)