Stable in 2010....

So, 2010 is upon us.
I had a list of New Year's Resolves. (Those are resolutions in disguise...I thought if I called them "resolves" I would be more likely to keep them for more than a week!) I, like most people, have not had a great deal of success at keeping my resolutions for long. But I think that the idea of assessing ourselves and thinking of ways in which we want to improve is a good one. I think that goal-setting is also a good thing. I'm sure you've heard the expression, "If you aim at nothing, you are sure to attain it." We need to dream more. We need to self-assess more.

I heard of an idea today that I like. My blogger friend, SaraFrankl (whom I've several times quoted here) said in her blog today (http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2009/12/gracious.html,) that she likes to choose a word...usually a quality that she desires to develop in herself, to focus on as a theme for the new year.

Want to hear something strange? When I thought about what word I would choose, the word "stability" came to mind--or stable. I would like my health to be stable...and not be ping ponging from the hospital to home every other month. (I know that this is something I have little control over, but the word "stability" has appeal to me in other ways as well...) When I went to "Merriam Webster's Thesaurus" online, when the page opened up, the word that it was displaying was "stability." Isn't that odd? Speaking of confirmation!

Here is what Merriam had to say:

Stability
Meaning: 1 the ability to withstand force or stress without being distorted, dislodged, or damaged
Synonyms: firmness, soundness, steadiness, strength, sturdiness
Related Words: dependability, durability, reliability; solidity, solidness; cohesion, toughness
Near Antonyms: insecurity, weakness
Antonyms:instability, unsoundness, unsteadiness
2: the state of continuing without change

I think, after reading that, you will see why the word has appeal to me. I need to learn to withstand the forces of my life without becoming dislodged or without my mind becoming distorted. I would love to be described as "sound, steady, strong,..."

I think in terms of stability though, that part of it, will involve, acceptance of the limitations I have without being rocked by them. My view of myself should be solid enough so as not to be shattered by things which are a consequence of my illness. This is easier said than done, obviously.

Another factor of stability is the fact of being solid enough to be "there" for others when they need you. This involves, not only being a shoulder for friends to cry on, but also being available to my family even when illness is demanding my attention....even when it is demanding my strength and reserves of patience. So often, I've had nothing left to offer my family. I've been deflated and sucked dry by my illnesses, both physical and mental. I would like to be a firm place for them....a dependable resource...a port in a storm. And for the past three years, I just haven't been there at all.

In regard to the second meaning of the word: continuing without change....In regard to my health, there is little control that I can have. However, I would like to be unwaivering in my constancy...in my faith,...in my hope....in my trust....in my secure knowledge of my God. I would like to be unshakeable in my habits of devotion: prayer, study, worship, etc..

I know that I cannot be stable if I am not grounded on the Rock Who Never Changes. It is only if I dig deep into the constancy of God, that I can hope to have any stability...It is not something I can conjure up on my own force of will or desire. And somehow, I know that even if the winds of mental and physical illness blow hard, I can remain rooted in the I AM; that I can be grounded in the moment; that my faith will not falter. And that is my great desire for 2010.

Thank you Sara, for such a great idea.