It's 4:00 on day three of the Nor'Easter about which I wrote in my last post. Many people are without power...but God has been good...(Ok that is a stupid thing to say...that He is "good" because he let me have my way? He would have been good even if we were without power for a year, like the people in Puerto Rico were. His goodness does not rest on his track record of blessing me!). But once again--one more time--he has treated me gently and not tested my fears. Our power went off and on several times and flickered often throughout last evening until now. When I went to bed I would say there were about 8" of snow but it was supposed to snow hard all night so I have no idea how much there is.
I want to apologize for my frenzy in my last post. Jesus sighs and says "How long will I have to deal with this unbelieving generation?" Those were his words about his own disciples.....those who had left all to follow him and were the most devoted to him. Yes, even they were filled with doubts and fears. Of course they had an excuse that I don't have. They did not have the Holy Spirit living inside them and I do. And the fact that I fear anyway doesn't say a whole lot of good about my faith. However those disciples saw miracle after miracle. Incredible things. Amazing things....and still they panicked because they had forgotten to bring bread with them as they crossed the Sea of Galilee--immediately following the feeding of the 5,000. I can just see Jesus smacking his forehead at their thick-headedness. Just as he must have also done when, once again, I failed to trust him,, despite miracle after miracle. Despite evidence after evidence of his love for me.
I am afraid that his gentle "do you trust me?" whispers are going to change to
"Child, WHEN are you going to trust Me?" and I will find out that I have some responsibility in this whole transaction. Like a toddler learning to walk, eventually, at some point after being set on my feet one more time by a loving, patient parent; they must finally firm up the leg muscles and develop the balance necessary to learn to walk--and then to run.
I know the test is coming: the time when I will have to go through the waters rather than being protected from them. And when that happens, all the muscles that have developed throughout these years of fear and doubt will be tested, but I will never be without his Presence. ("I will never leave you nor forsake you.") And his ears will be tuned to my requests for help and guidance. It is important to remember the times when he has intervened and rescued me and to realize that regardless of the outcome or the hardship--he never has stopped loving me or left me to face struggles alone. It may not be a weather event that proves to challenge me most. It will likely be physical pain that escalates to the point that it is unbearable. And when that happens, I will be sustained by the memories of years of his faithfulness, strength, and love.
I want to apologize for my frenzy in my last post. Jesus sighs and says "How long will I have to deal with this unbelieving generation?" Those were his words about his own disciples.....those who had left all to follow him and were the most devoted to him. Yes, even they were filled with doubts and fears. Of course they had an excuse that I don't have. They did not have the Holy Spirit living inside them and I do. And the fact that I fear anyway doesn't say a whole lot of good about my faith. However those disciples saw miracle after miracle. Incredible things. Amazing things....and still they panicked because they had forgotten to bring bread with them as they crossed the Sea of Galilee--immediately following the feeding of the 5,000. I can just see Jesus smacking his forehead at their thick-headedness. Just as he must have also done when, once again, I failed to trust him,, despite miracle after miracle. Despite evidence after evidence of his love for me.
I am afraid that his gentle "do you trust me?" whispers are going to change to
"Child, WHEN are you going to trust Me?" and I will find out that I have some responsibility in this whole transaction. Like a toddler learning to walk, eventually, at some point after being set on my feet one more time by a loving, patient parent; they must finally firm up the leg muscles and develop the balance necessary to learn to walk--and then to run.
I know the test is coming: the time when I will have to go through the waters rather than being protected from them. And when that happens, all the muscles that have developed throughout these years of fear and doubt will be tested, but I will never be without his Presence. ("I will never leave you nor forsake you.") And his ears will be tuned to my requests for help and guidance. It is important to remember the times when he has intervened and rescued me and to realize that regardless of the outcome or the hardship--he never has stopped loving me or left me to face struggles alone. It may not be a weather event that proves to challenge me most. It will likely be physical pain that escalates to the point that it is unbearable. And when that happens, I will be sustained by the memories of years of his faithfulness, strength, and love.
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