I know that recently, all of my blogs have been about my faith or my physical health. And that is only 2/3 of the purpose of this blog...some of you might be wondering how my mental status is. I think that the biggest thing I've been dealing with is some runaway-train-anxiety. It doesn't take much...and sometimes it takes nothing at all for the knot in my stomach to tighten, my asthma to kick in and I get short of breath and my thoughts consist almost totally of repeating the name of the Lord...calling on Him. But my prayers lack content... I'm just repeating over and over one or more of the names of God. While that may not be terribly effective praying--it's all I'm capable of in those times....and as hard as I try to relax and stop it...I cannot.
As far as symptoms of SZ go: if I look at certain things...like a photograph...it begins to move...to breathe and walk or reach or whatever the photo is of. If I'm looking at a free-form design or anything...even a crack in the wall...it begins to morph into image after image -one right after another. Now, while all of this is not dangerous, it is disconcerting. But I do have to say that if I'm waiting for something, like an MD appointment, it does provide some distraction from the wait. But I have to be careful. I feel like if I look at this for too long, I will get sucked right into the picture (or whatever it is I'm looking at).
I also still have "movies" - visual hallucinations that play out in front of me...brief scenes, usually without sound but occasionally, with. Usually they are banal..however sometimes they are frightening, violent, or just disturbing. Fortunately the occurrence of these is lessened of late.
As far as my persistent olfactory hallucinations; smells or scents that I cannot get rid of no matter what i try...usually for me, it is diesel exhaust; not a very lovely or even tolerable smell. Thankfully I have not had that for a few months....and I'm scared to say that, like I'm inviting it back.
I still hear knocking on the back door or people walking around on the deck outside...when there is no one there. I have not had the sensation of bugs crawling on my legs for a while As for paranoia, I do get random thoughts. Ideas present themselves, questioning the motives of the people around me. Anything, like receiving a wrong number phone call, can kick it off...even if someone in a public area, makes eye contact with me.
I still REALLY have to work hard to force myself into the shower. If I'm going out, I do keep up with it--with somewhat reasonable frequency. But if I'm home alone, day after day, then I cannot convince myself of the necessity of showering and often even of getting dressed. I will stay in my bathrobe all day long. I guess things could be worse and if these things are all I am dealing with then I should (and do) consider myself blessed. In years past, things were much, much worse. I have noticed that if I forget to take my medication for one or two days, I very quickly get off kilter. It used to be that it took me 5 or 6 days of not taking it before I could feel a difference. Now I do, almost immediately.
I have not been online at https://forum.schizophrenia.com/ for quite a while. Ever since the old moderator died and sz.com got a new website, I have not felt comfortable there. I feel like I don't know anyone there now.
So there you have it: the state of the union address.
As far as symptoms of SZ go: if I look at certain things...like a photograph...it begins to move...to breathe and walk or reach or whatever the photo is of. If I'm looking at a free-form design or anything...even a crack in the wall...it begins to morph into image after image -one right after another. Now, while all of this is not dangerous, it is disconcerting. But I do have to say that if I'm waiting for something, like an MD appointment, it does provide some distraction from the wait. But I have to be careful. I feel like if I look at this for too long, I will get sucked right into the picture (or whatever it is I'm looking at).
I also still have "movies" - visual hallucinations that play out in front of me...brief scenes, usually without sound but occasionally, with. Usually they are banal..however sometimes they are frightening, violent, or just disturbing. Fortunately the occurrence of these is lessened of late.
As far as my persistent olfactory hallucinations; smells or scents that I cannot get rid of no matter what i try...usually for me, it is diesel exhaust; not a very lovely or even tolerable smell. Thankfully I have not had that for a few months....and I'm scared to say that, like I'm inviting it back.
I still hear knocking on the back door or people walking around on the deck outside...when there is no one there. I have not had the sensation of bugs crawling on my legs for a while As for paranoia, I do get random thoughts. Ideas present themselves, questioning the motives of the people around me. Anything, like receiving a wrong number phone call, can kick it off...even if someone in a public area, makes eye contact with me.
I still REALLY have to work hard to force myself into the shower. If I'm going out, I do keep up with it--with somewhat reasonable frequency. But if I'm home alone, day after day, then I cannot convince myself of the necessity of showering and often even of getting dressed. I will stay in my bathrobe all day long. I guess things could be worse and if these things are all I am dealing with then I should (and do) consider myself blessed. In years past, things were much, much worse. I have noticed that if I forget to take my medication for one or two days, I very quickly get off kilter. It used to be that it took me 5 or 6 days of not taking it before I could feel a difference. Now I do, almost immediately.
I have not been online at https://forum.schizophrenia.com/ for quite a while. Ever since the old moderator died and sz.com got a new website, I have not felt comfortable there. I feel like I don't know anyone there now.
So there you have it: the state of the union address.
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