It's 4:40 PM...in less than 12 hours I will be leaving my house with a wonderful driver who committed to take me even though it meant leaving at such an hour.
Early in the day I was worked up....anxious, packing in a frenzy, taking care of all the little things that needed to be done at home before I leave. And just when I had reached a panic point I saw a piece of paper on my desk. It was in my handwriting but I have no recollection of ever having seen it before. It said "You do not walk into a dark future alone and without provision." wow. Peace flooded my heart and then came a feeling of being loved. A feeling that, for once, was not lonely and alone. My husband will be at work during my surgery (in the same hospital where my surgery is)...I don't know if I will see him there...and that is a terribly lonely feeling.
But I am not going into this alone..
I don't know what is going to happen to me tomorrow after the surgery. It is critical to get me admitted --preferably initially in the hospital and then to be transferred to a nursing home/rehab --but it may happen that I go straight from the hospital into the nursing home. In any case, I cannot come home as there is no one there who is willing or able to take care of me for the first week or two when I will desperately need care.
I think that God "wrote" that note to me and he placed it where I would see it...in my greatest hour of need. I am not alone. I am not unloved. I am not without recourse or resource. He will make a way---where there seems to be no way.
After the surgery I will need rides --to the doctor and then to Physical Therapy. I undertook this surgery as a matter of faith. I'm charting into a large sea in a boat without sails. I really had no choice. Severe pain has kept me a prisoner...not going out anywhere ...dreading each step I take for many months now. My pastor encouraged me to take it one need at a time; one ride at a time. So I did. I am going into this surgery not really having anything much lined up This is either faith....or stupidity.
I will not be pain free -even after these surgeries are done. My elbows, shoulders, cervical spine, lumbar and sacral spine, knees, fingers, wrists are all in very bad shape and hurt a lot. But this surgery will return to me some lost freedom as life gets very hard when walking just plain hurts and I can't even get a wheelchair around in my home.
Friends...please pray for me. There are a lot of LARGE hurdles ahead of me and many waves in this ocean. But I do not walk into it alone without provision. amen.
Early in the day I was worked up....anxious, packing in a frenzy, taking care of all the little things that needed to be done at home before I leave. And just when I had reached a panic point I saw a piece of paper on my desk. It was in my handwriting but I have no recollection of ever having seen it before. It said "You do not walk into a dark future alone and without provision." wow. Peace flooded my heart and then came a feeling of being loved. A feeling that, for once, was not lonely and alone. My husband will be at work during my surgery (in the same hospital where my surgery is)...I don't know if I will see him there...and that is a terribly lonely feeling.
But I am not going into this alone..
I don't know what is going to happen to me tomorrow after the surgery. It is critical to get me admitted --preferably initially in the hospital and then to be transferred to a nursing home/rehab --but it may happen that I go straight from the hospital into the nursing home. In any case, I cannot come home as there is no one there who is willing or able to take care of me for the first week or two when I will desperately need care.
I think that God "wrote" that note to me and he placed it where I would see it...in my greatest hour of need. I am not alone. I am not unloved. I am not without recourse or resource. He will make a way---where there seems to be no way.
After the surgery I will need rides --to the doctor and then to Physical Therapy. I undertook this surgery as a matter of faith. I'm charting into a large sea in a boat without sails. I really had no choice. Severe pain has kept me a prisoner...not going out anywhere ...dreading each step I take for many months now. My pastor encouraged me to take it one need at a time; one ride at a time. So I did. I am going into this surgery not really having anything much lined up This is either faith....or stupidity.
I will not be pain free -even after these surgeries are done. My elbows, shoulders, cervical spine, lumbar and sacral spine, knees, fingers, wrists are all in very bad shape and hurt a lot. But this surgery will return to me some lost freedom as life gets very hard when walking just plain hurts and I can't even get a wheelchair around in my home.
Friends...please pray for me. There are a lot of LARGE hurdles ahead of me and many waves in this ocean. But I do not walk into it alone without provision. amen.
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