Once again the "movies" in my head are back.Just now Ihad one....I was watching a Jeep Cherokee sliding in the rain and slowly into a river...slowly filled with water....and suddenly I am the driver ofthe car and people are banging on the windshield with rocks trying to save me...I hear their muffled cries...and suddenly, once more, I am laying on my bed at home in my room.
I have taken to posting pictures of myself for profile pix on Facebook and SparkPeople from years when I was skinny,crazy and beautiful.....don't want people to know I'm old and fat and gray. So I found the perfect picture...actually my dad found it and mailed it to me.
Cigna,my insurance company recently started calling me....to have a counselor to help me on the phone to maybe avoid another hospitalization...Today the counselor called their crisis team to talk to me also....Maureen called me today too. Yesterday she told me I don't seem well.It's very interesting to me how it is visible in my demeanor when I start seeing movies again.
Maybe it's the fact that I don't recall what day I took my last shower...and haven't changed clothes--not even to sleep for days.It used to be such a simple thing to pick out an outfit,shower every morning and get dressed and put on make up.I used to actually enjoy it. Now it is simply too hard and not worth the effort. Now it's true that if I'm going to a doctor, I will usually have bathed that day or the day before. But with Maureen...I am somewhat less motivated....not in a bad way....simply that I am comfortable enough with her not to have to be something I'm not.
If I'm going to have this surgery....then I need to stay out of the nut house.
I have taken to posting pictures of myself for profile pix on Facebook and SparkPeople from years when I was skinny,crazy and beautiful.....don't want people to know I'm old and fat and gray. So I found the perfect picture...actually my dad found it and mailed it to me.
Maybe it's the fact that I don't recall what day I took my last shower...and haven't changed clothes--not even to sleep for days.It used to be such a simple thing to pick out an outfit,shower every morning and get dressed and put on make up.I used to actually enjoy it. Now it is simply too hard and not worth the effort. Now it's true that if I'm going to a doctor, I will usually have bathed that day or the day before. But with Maureen...I am somewhat less motivated....not in a bad way....simply that I am comfortable enough with her not to have to be something I'm not.
If I'm going to have this surgery....then I need to stay out of the nut house.
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