Thoughts A'jumble

I've been on a juice fast for the past four days. My greatest reason is to pursue God and to return to the intimacy I had with him some years ago.  I'm kind of stuck though.  I can't concentrate for more than two minutes when I'm reading or praying. My mind goes off on these bizarre benders of thought, often combined with visual hallucinations. I can't concentrate....I know that God understands my limitations.....but  I keep wondering, "Can I do more?"

I need to listen to him more...and not trying so hard to pray.  Problem is...when I try to actively listen....I don't encounter God...I rather encounter the jail bars that my mind has placed me behind.  It's a terrible thing. I hate this disease and what it has done to my intellect.  Shoot ..it just happened now...in the midst of my writing.  And it happens constantly when I am knitting...my mind goes off and does it's own thing...and before you know it, I've royally messed up what I am knitting.  I'm afraid...terribly afraid that I will have to give up knitting.  Or at least give up any kind that requires my attention.

Well I'm going to get off of the computer and try to practice the discipline of Silence.  SInce that probably entails silencing your mind as well...I may not be too successful. But I'm gonna die trying.