Newly Released

I have been silent here on this blog for almost two  weeks...that is because I've been in a psych hospital. I got out on Monday of this month and still am feeling kind of frail and easily overcome.  The hospital stay did not do too much for me....they merely increased my medication until the noise in my head subsided and the visions in front of my eyes became a little less compelling. They let me come home after a week and a half--still suffering with hallucinations and feeling quite fragile. 

I went out yesterday for coffee with a friend...and that was difficult, even though it was enjoyable. I am eager to begin to eat well again....but was not up to cooking last night, so Pizza was the ticket. Today I'm getting my groceries delivered...so will have restocked the kitchen and there will be no excuse tonight not to cook.

I have been looking forward to knitting again...finishing my pillow I'm working on and going on to make socks; however when I looked at the pillow to resume it, I see I'd made a huge mess of it when trying to knit in the midst of my meltdown...I've been trying and trying to get it back into some semblance of reason. I do not know if it is able to be rescued.

I really REALLY need a shower and the thought of that has been totally overwhelming.  I also should resume my activity.  In the hospital I paced the halls almost constantly and lost 6 pounds despite eating four Oreos twice a day in our snacks.  Here I would have to go outside to cover any ground...I really could just pace the length of my circular drive over an over again. That way I would never get too far from home should I get tired or winded or should it begin to rain. Or I could go down and walk on the treadmill.  At any rate....it doesn't matter what I do as long as it gets my body moving again. 

Now how do I get myself back into society?  I need a haircut.  Going to church seems really overwhelming.  This Thursday (tomorrow) I have two MD appointments and my dad is taking me to those.  Maybe that will help me to get social again. Right now I don't feel like leaving my bedroom....but know I need to.  When I was in the hospital I was very confused and it was obvious in what I was saying. I know that in the end of  that time I suddenly heard myself say something and then said, "Wait a minute...That is not "right" "  And from the time I had that enlightenment, I began to be better and more clear....but it took a while. And now here I am at another plateau....and need to break through my lack of ease in facing society again.

My goals for today?
1) get moving.  walk the stairs. Walk on the treadmill.
2) work on my knitting mess.
3) cook a healthy dinner
4) bake a healthy treat

all of these things look difficult to me right now...notice I did not put "take a shower" on that list.  I'm thinking of waiting until tomorrow when I absolutely have to because I am going to go out. One more day will not hurt me
I know this post has been really more me talking to me. I know it holds little interest for you who are reading....but that's all I can come up with right now...and I did want to explain my absence..  Maybe soon I will have some deeper thoughts.  Right now all I can do is swim in the shallows.  I promise to go deeper as soon as I am able.