In another life I would be out roller blading; at the beach soaking in the rays; on a trail taking a hike; even just walking through our quaint tourist attraction of a Pocono town, enjoying the shops.
But I don't have another life--yet. So instead i sat on my deck for maybe 45 minutes in the sun, surrounded by my herbs and tomato plants, praying and then reading. Nice enough.
The trick is to not think of the things that belong in my past life; or in my fantasy life. The trick is to focus on the small pleasures that are accessible to me. Made some strawberry, yogurt frozen pops yesterday and eating one of those is a small pleasure that brings the taste of summer to my tongue....My mind wanders to days when I used to pick my own berries. But I have to put the brakes on that thought before the sadness that comes as a trailer to that thought arrives. No. Live in the present. In this moment.
I am chatting online with a Spark friend. She is one of God's gifts to me now.
Yesterday and this morning I spent a lot of time working on the manuscript to my book which I'd abandoned for too long. Who knows? Maybe I'll finish it yet.
And I"m reading a book on my Kindle about which the author himself contacted me in order to request that I write a review of his book on Amazon.
And one of these days -hopefully soon - I will go to visit my daughter's new apartment in Allentown.
So yeah. Keep it here. Keep it now....And when the here and now are too filled with pain to be endured,take your pain meds, seek respite in sleep. Watch a movie and live someone else's life for a while.
Acceptance is what i need. Acceptance that my life has changed, is changing, and it will not return to where it once was. Find peace in that.
And know that your God is here with you, just as certainly as he was back in "the day"...only now you know you need Him more.
3 comments:
Funny--I couldn't keep from crying. It is a lot of hormones. I wish to God you could be healed.
Thank you so much. I wish God would heal me also. But since he hasn't, I think it is my task and my challenge to find peace in what I have and to take the strength I need to do that from Him.
Congratulations is such a cold word to me, although I don't know why. However, I wanted to congratulate you on seeing the potential in your Today. You brought me to tears with your words and the feelings they conveyed. Wishing you peace in all you do, and some happiness in your challenging life.
hugs,
vicki
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