I've been quiet online lately. Have kept my mouth shut on FB...haven't posted a blog here or on my other blog site for a LONG time...and in general just haven't felt like talking to anyone and don't even feel like I have enough to say to even want to talk to myself.
Am I depressed? I know that I've been suffering from very bad symptoms of the SZ....but aside from periods of insane anxiety about completely irrational topics....the psychosis has lessened. But what is left? Are these negative symptoms? Or is it depression? I haven't wanted to talk to friends...and have been so blase when I have talked that I am sure they are grateful for my silence. Nothing piques my interest. Nothing attracts my attention. (and no, that isn't redundancy; it is Hebrew poetry )
My health (or lack of it) is a matter of complete disinterest to me. I've canceled Doctor appointments and brushed off their attempts to get me to come in and attend to "important" health issues and I've failed to reschedule appointments that THEY have had to cancel due to "emergencies that came up"...Why? Because i can just not be bothered to pursue health that is elusive and unlikely. I cannot be persuaded to chase after a life that I really don't want via tactics that seem to be altogether fruitless and pointlessly expensive.
So you tell me...Go on, diagnose me...(everyone else seems to love to do it): Am I depressed? Disgusted by my life circumstance (ie: situational depression,) Chemically depressed because of the newest PA meds I'm on? Taking a plummet down Bipolar Disorder's "Rabbit Hole"? Psychotic?
My psychiatrist has tried several times to call me...however she always leaves the following message on my home phone's answering machine "Cynthia, please call or text my cell phone...I'm available from such and such a time...."
Now, I have not done as she asked. Why?
It's not rocket science. And my doctor is probably smart enough to DO rocket science should it interest her...
....REASON???
I don't have her cell phone number!!!!
And her office is only open two days a week for a few hours. And they are exceptionally rude to me...So it's not like I can call them and harass them for a number they are not going to give me.
Now why my doc hasn't figured this out by now and just called my cell number (if she has it...which I'm sure she does, somewhere in that file..) or called my husband's cell...or just left her cell number on my answering machine... is beyond me.
So, other than one pharmaceutical change in my antipsychotic med...nothing has been done. And right now I really really need to go and reacquaint myself with the shower.
3 comments:
There's a sadness and an objection to the p-doc who doesn't have the ability to understand why you have yet to respond. May I say 'justified'? Rattle the cage...leave her a message that you can't respond 'til you have the number. Y;our response is expected. vicki
Frustrating for sure.
I have actually fired a doctor who, while I loved her, her staff was absolutely horrid. I complained, they did nothing, and I ultimately left the practice, making sure she had a clear reason as to why. Now, I sent it via letter, so who knows if she ever *got* it, but I did my best to let her know why. It did make me very sad, however.
Maybe try writing her a letter just to let her know that you're responding to her call but don't have her phone number. Perhaps that could get past the staff. Failing that, try looking for an email address perhaps?
Glad to see you posting again!
Vicki,...I already did leave a message for her at her office answering machine (because that is the only number I have) to that effect...However she is evidently still expecting my reply on her cell phone.
It is evident that she never got my message because she called my home number once more and told me again to call her cell following my message... She will be in to her office tomorrow (Monday) so I will be able to contact her...
thanks for your response,
Cynthia....
Hi Shari,
Thanks for missing me.
It's a shame when the best doctors have such bad staff that it makes the patients have a terrible experience when they go to see them
But honestly it's not the staff which has been keeping me away these days, but two other things: 1) the awful copays and 2) a sense of futility--like I've pursuing a losing battle and it's a battle without booty. And there in lies a whole other blogpost; which would explore this question: If we fight to remain on earth, does it bring us greater reward in heaven?
And my "quickie" answer would be: it all depends on what we do with our time here. And I've had an ongoing sense that there is something God wants me to accomplish in the here and now...otherwise he would have let me come home a long time ago....He's certainly had enough chances to wave the checkered flag.
And I really do think I must
write a post about this in the "here and now"
Thanks my friend.
Cynthia
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