I just read a blog post by fellow-blogger and fellow-struggler, Sara Frankl (http://www.gitzengirl.blogspot.com/) about how she answers the question, "How are you?" That question, frankly, has always stumped me...since I was in my teens. I always wonder, "Do you REALLY want to know how I am? ...Or do you want the polite standard answer?" When I am asked that question by people in my church, there is generally a significance that the question holds there that probably wouldn't exist in most other places: a sincerity. And in the face of that sincerity, I am nonplusssed...because the answer is so multi-faceted. I think the best answer would be the one that the apostle Paul comes up with: "...outwardly (I am) wasting away, yet inwardly (I am)being renewed day by day" --But the response that always comes out of my mouth is this: "I'm hanging in there."
I HATE that expression. It brings to mind a desperate, fingernail-clinging to a steep cliff, a picture of someone barely surviving, both physically and spiritually. That response is an old habit of mine; born of years where I truly was clinging to life; not because of illness but because of depression and desperation. I wish I could wash my mouth out with soap everytime I say it now, because it is WRONG!! I am NOT hanging in there! I am where God wants me to be. I am growing spiritually (although, that has not always been the case); I am learning to deal with the challenges God hands me daily and, even though sometimes they require the very last ounce of my resources, I am STILL victorious in Christ Jesus!
Yes, my body is always finding new ways to betray me and to challenge my resources of endurance...but my body is not the determining factor in how I am. My spirit is victorious because it is supported and held up by the power and love of the living God. And really, that is the most important factor. Years ago, my body was fine; and my mind and spirit were a train wreck...and the response, "Hanging in there" was truly accurate...because I was clinging to a thread and my survival was truly in jeopardy. However, now, when my physical existence is more tenuous than it was back then--my survival is truly more secure... My body is in God's hands and He will determine whether or not I have another day or year of life; and that is secure because I will not try to wrest it from the hands of God as I once did, in order to end it prematurely.
But back to the question, "How are you?" Here's the score card:
I HATE that expression. It brings to mind a desperate, fingernail-clinging to a steep cliff, a picture of someone barely surviving, both physically and spiritually. That response is an old habit of mine; born of years where I truly was clinging to life; not because of illness but because of depression and desperation. I wish I could wash my mouth out with soap everytime I say it now, because it is WRONG!! I am NOT hanging in there! I am where God wants me to be. I am growing spiritually (although, that has not always been the case); I am learning to deal with the challenges God hands me daily and, even though sometimes they require the very last ounce of my resources, I am STILL victorious in Christ Jesus!
Yes, my body is always finding new ways to betray me and to challenge my resources of endurance...but my body is not the determining factor in how I am. My spirit is victorious because it is supported and held up by the power and love of the living God. And really, that is the most important factor. Years ago, my body was fine; and my mind and spirit were a train wreck...and the response, "Hanging in there" was truly accurate...because I was clinging to a thread and my survival was truly in jeopardy. However, now, when my physical existence is more tenuous than it was back then--my survival is truly more secure... My body is in God's hands and He will determine whether or not I have another day or year of life; and that is secure because I will not try to wrest it from the hands of God as I once did, in order to end it prematurely.
But back to the question, "How are you?" Here's the score card:
- Spiritually: growing.
- Phyically: struggling;
- mentally: (for once), stable.
So, two out of three ain't bad! Yes, there are times when I lie in bed in so much pain that my mind stumbles over it and asks God, "Why?" and "How much longer?" But those times rarely are tinted with despair now. With Desperation, yes. Despair, no. And USUALLY the consequence of those times is that I'm driven deeper into the arms of Jesus and into worship. And tell me, how can that be a bad thing?
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