I realized after I wrote the last post that I neglected to mention some pretty important symptoms of this disease, so I've decided to write another post and describe them for you.
There is the one which is probably the most famous. Hallucinations are hard to describe accurately to someone who has never experienced them. The best portrayal in the media which I have seen is in the movie, "The Soloist." There are many kinds of hallucinations including: auditory, visual, olfactory, taste and tactile. I have experienced all of these, but for me the most common ones are auditory and tactile. "The voices" as they are usually referred to, range from whispers, to LOUD and intrusive voices which are almost impossible to ignore or tune out. Imagine, if you can, having someone speaking or shouting right into your ear as you go about your day, trying to focus on the world around you and you will have an idea of what this symptom is like. It is distracting and often upsetting because the things they tend to say are usually not kind. They can be insulting, fear provoking, confusing and just downright annoying. The best method I have found for drowning them out is to wear my mp3 player headphones with the music cranked, literally at full volume, when they are most intrusive. But obviously, this prevents me from interacting much with the people around me so it is not always best. It is also destroying my hearing which is also not a good result. Yet, I still often do it to give myself some relief.
Popular jokes about the Voices are really off the mark. They are not friendly. They are not pleasant. They do not keep me company. Most people with sz hate them and would give anything for them to be gone. There are a few people who derive some comfort from them and do not want them to go. It is true that when they are quieter, it is disconcerting...like a stuck doorbell or something which has been ringing for years; and then stops. It does leave an odd gap.
When I am doing well, sometimes the voices will fade to whispers or to an occasional thing...like suddenly calling my name (which I often confuse for my family calling me when no one has). Or there will be a bell or some other sound which really is not there...which I often think is the phone or the doorbell.
Tactile hallucinations involve sensation. I will often feel that I am being grabbed from behind. I will jump and look behind me just as if someone had actually, unexpectedly grabbed my arm. Or I will feel bugs crawling on me, which, as you can imagine, is a distressing experience. I've also had hallucinations involving taste and smell. Hallucinations can involve any of the senses and will be as real an experience as if they had actually occured....indistinguishable from the other.
The other symptom that I failed to mention is that of "delusions." Delusions are beliefs about which the sz person will be convinced are true, which are not true in reality. For example, one time when I was in a psychiatric hospital, I was convinced that it was MY job and responsibility to behave in a certain way which would then release the other patients from the hospital. I had to pass all of these "tests" and if I was successful, then someone could go home! I would be allowed to go home only once I had successfully "discharged" all of the other patients.
Sometimes these delusions take the form of intricate, paranoid plots (for an example of this, watch the movie, "A Beautiful Mind") which can embroil the person with the illness and consume their attention. They may also have grandiose ideas, such as to believe that they are Jesus Christ or are prophets or even are something like a "Jedi Warrior" as does one person I know of. To try to talk them out of these beliefs is almost like trying to talk someone out of their belief in God because they run that strong and that deep.
These are what are known as the "Positive Symptoms" of schizophrenia, as opposed to the "Negative Symptoms" that I discussed in the post prior to this one. They are the most famous and the most intrusive parts of the illness for many people. For some people, they only experience these symptoms when they are in the midst of an episode and the medications are successful at controlling them otherwise. They will not have an episode for many years, as long as they take their medicine and the medicine is working properly for them. For other people, such as myself, the medicine only helps to control my level of conviction that these things are real. I experience voices very much all the time (although, as I've said, on rare occasions, they become sporadic and quieter). My doctor explained to me that "Psychotic" does not mean that I'm hearing voices. It means that I interact with them and start to believe that they are real entities. And that is the difference between wellness and unwellness for me.
Soon I will post a blog about popular myths and misconceptions about Schizophrenia which prevail in our culture.
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