Last night I wrote a blog post for my other blog.
It was full of anger and despair, questioning my existence and the purpose of it...wondering why God had taunted me with the abilities he's given me and then taken all potential away for a fulfilling life by giving me the diseases I have.
I know.
These are places in your mind you don't want to go. Dark, screaming caverns of futility that Satan is just waiting to fill with HIS solutions.
But I went there.
And as I was stuffing my face with a bag of Tostitos (nothing like making yourself feel WORSE), I began to talk to a friend online. This friend does not share my usually positive view of life or that of a magnanimous God. But we both agreed that the answer....the only POSSIBLE answer to such questions is this: TRUST.
There is a quote that I love by Steve Brown. It says, "Never doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light.
So what has God shown me in the light?
That he is good. That he loves me. That he is trustworthy. That he always has better things planned than I can understand. That what he says is true and reliable.
So do I trust in all of that in the dark nights when I want to kick and scream at the unfairness of it all?
Last night I decided, Yeah, I have to trust. Because all of life would be amuck if I didn't. Because those things are the very foundation of reason and hope in my life...and without them I would be lost in a complete vortex of meaninglessness and despair.
And besides.
Deep down, I know they are true.
It was full of anger and despair, questioning my existence and the purpose of it...wondering why God had taunted me with the abilities he's given me and then taken all potential away for a fulfilling life by giving me the diseases I have.
I know.
These are places in your mind you don't want to go. Dark, screaming caverns of futility that Satan is just waiting to fill with HIS solutions.
But I went there.
And as I was stuffing my face with a bag of Tostitos (nothing like making yourself feel WORSE), I began to talk to a friend online. This friend does not share my usually positive view of life or that of a magnanimous God. But we both agreed that the answer....the only POSSIBLE answer to such questions is this: TRUST.
There is a quote that I love by Steve Brown. It says, "Never doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light.
So what has God shown me in the light?
That he is good. That he loves me. That he is trustworthy. That he always has better things planned than I can understand. That what he says is true and reliable.
So do I trust in all of that in the dark nights when I want to kick and scream at the unfairness of it all?
Last night I decided, Yeah, I have to trust. Because all of life would be amuck if I didn't. Because those things are the very foundation of reason and hope in my life...and without them I would be lost in a complete vortex of meaninglessness and despair.
And besides.
Deep down, I know they are true.
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