Life is not an orange

I've been rather engrossed in a new pursuit in the past few weeks...I joined "SparkPeople.com" and have been working on losing weight, and more than that, beginning to live a healthy life. (As much as is in my control of course...Never mind the fact that for the past week, I've been as sick as a dog!) This website is a community of people drawn together by the fact that they have goals and are determined to meet them and to change their lives as a result.

For the first couple of days, I really cruised by the goals and didn't pay much attention to meeting them. Then, I started following the diet. Then I started losing some weight. Then I got excited about it. And today, I ran smack into the realization that this is no mere calorie counting or exercise buddy program...this is a program that will change you from the inside out. Now I know that only God is capable of cleansing our sinful hearts, but this place and its people are adept at zeroing in on the games we play with ourselves; identifying those places of dishonesty or blindness that we all have; and confronting them and helping us see the roles they play in our weight gain and loss.

Now, I had not told anyone at this website that I have a mental illness (short of mentioning depression to one woman).... I thought (without really thinking it out...just one of those conversations we hold with ourselves and don't invite our minds): I will JUST deal with the weight issues there. I will keep my mental illness over here, and my weight recovery over there and the twain shall never meet!

So what happened today. I got all paranoid about a woman's comment to me on my blog (on the website) and when she called me on it (asked why I was looking for something that wasn't there ) I realized it.

My life is not an orange. I cannot segment it and compartmentalize it and keep the parts apart from each other. EVEN something like weight loss is a WHOLE person endeavor. And I cannot just "turn off" my mental illness nor can I hide it.

Shoot.

So. I confessed the truth to the woman...very rationally. I told her my diagnosis and my reasons for wanting to keep it a secret. I also admitted that that may not be wise.

WELL. That was several hours ago and I haven't heard from her since.

So.
Okay

Maybe the world just isn't ready for obese mentally ill people who want to improve themselves. Or maybe I'm being paranoid again and she just hasn't gotten my email yet.....

haha.
You never know.