Tonight I went to prayer meeting (Called "ReFuel"_) by the kindness of the man who offered to drive me. I had a busy day: MD appointment in NY, out for late lunch / early dinner with a friend, and then Refuel. I considered canceling. I was hurting and so tired I could barely put one foot after the other. But I went and it was a wonderful and amazing time where we were swimming in the depths of prayer and worship.
Then the man who drove me, an elder in my church, stood and prayed a heart-felt, faith-filled prayer for my healing. I stayed open to that....although I must have been in this situation for 500 times. I flexed my curled up hands. Pain. I straightened my back. Pain. I tilted my head. Pain. and when I stood on my ankles and feet? yep. Pain. Yes, I was disappointed...but not really surprised. There comes a time when you just know in your spirit, that it is not in God's plan to heal me.
After the meeting was over I asked the Pastor to pray for me on Friday as I'm going for a hip aspiration..where they will insert a needle into my hip and draw out the fluid there surrounding that artificial joint, which might be fluid from an infection. And believe me, that would be an unparalleled disaster. So Pastor prayed that the fluid would disappear by Friday and when they turn that fluoroscope on they would find no fluid. I am believing that this will happen just as Pastor prayed. NOT because it is a smaller miracle and it's easier to believe in God's ability to heal...but because God has not indicated to me that this is outside his will for me...
As I have stated in the past, it takes more faith for me to get through a day than it would to receive healing through prayer. It demands more of my character, and a NEED for Jesus to keep depression at bay. It demands faith to be able to pay my medical bills. And it takes a great belief in the goodness of God --even when all seems to indicate the contrary. And it takes faith to be certain (as I am) that this illness/disability is NOT permanent. I have a brand new body coming...SOON...and illness will not touch it anymore. Pain will come to an end the moment I step into the Kingdom.
So no. I was not healed tonight. And that is okay because I need MORE of Jesus and More of the Holy Spirit and more of the Father, himself. More faith. More perseverance. More of the depths of God. And he has been faithful in giving me these things.
And now that I no longer can take pain medications --it's a new challenge. One that I really do not want and do not always succeed at overcoming. I need your prayers.
You can pray to God to heal me...but I truly covet your prayers for endurance. For Faithfulness. For the discipline of having time dedicated to God....for my prayer life. Pray for my family who has to deal with a wife/mother/daughter who is sick all the time.
Thank you for hearing me on this.
Then the man who drove me, an elder in my church, stood and prayed a heart-felt, faith-filled prayer for my healing. I stayed open to that....although I must have been in this situation for 500 times. I flexed my curled up hands. Pain. I straightened my back. Pain. I tilted my head. Pain. and when I stood on my ankles and feet? yep. Pain. Yes, I was disappointed...but not really surprised. There comes a time when you just know in your spirit, that it is not in God's plan to heal me.
After the meeting was over I asked the Pastor to pray for me on Friday as I'm going for a hip aspiration..where they will insert a needle into my hip and draw out the fluid there surrounding that artificial joint, which might be fluid from an infection. And believe me, that would be an unparalleled disaster. So Pastor prayed that the fluid would disappear by Friday and when they turn that fluoroscope on they would find no fluid. I am believing that this will happen just as Pastor prayed. NOT because it is a smaller miracle and it's easier to believe in God's ability to heal...but because God has not indicated to me that this is outside his will for me...
As I have stated in the past, it takes more faith for me to get through a day than it would to receive healing through prayer. It demands more of my character, and a NEED for Jesus to keep depression at bay. It demands faith to be able to pay my medical bills. And it takes a great belief in the goodness of God --even when all seems to indicate the contrary. And it takes faith to be certain (as I am) that this illness/disability is NOT permanent. I have a brand new body coming...SOON...and illness will not touch it anymore. Pain will come to an end the moment I step into the Kingdom.
So no. I was not healed tonight. And that is okay because I need MORE of Jesus and More of the Holy Spirit and more of the Father, himself. More faith. More perseverance. More of the depths of God. And he has been faithful in giving me these things.
And now that I no longer can take pain medications --it's a new challenge. One that I really do not want and do not always succeed at overcoming. I need your prayers.
You can pray to God to heal me...but I truly covet your prayers for endurance. For Faithfulness. For the discipline of having time dedicated to God....for my prayer life. Pray for my family who has to deal with a wife/mother/daughter who is sick all the time.
Thank you for hearing me on this.
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