I don't recall what was going on in my life half a month ago when I last wrote. I got out of the hospital around then I think. Then I was struggling from some delirium --most likely from the steroids. Now it looks like there is some kind of cardiac problem and to top it off, I now have shingles. So the "fun" never ends.
Today is Valentine's Day. I totally forgot about it. I don't watch TV or read a newspaper...and for some reason it never was mentioned online. Therefore, no cards, no gifts..etc ... I could go tomorrow and get some half priced candy. ..and grab a card before they are taken off the shelves. Is that so lame that it would be bad? Or is it at least making an effort to acknowledge the ones I love?
My dad took me to the doctor yesterday...and we went to Salvation Army and I got a few tops that don't end mid belly like the ones I have now do. I got two pair of pants... I keep thinking about that rude lady at rehab....who went out and bought me a baby blue sweat suit. She gave it to me and then said "Here. THIS is how ladies our age dress!" I was very much out of it due to anesthesia delirium and that probably contributed to my crazy clothing style. The other thing is that I have a daughter who was then, right about the age I was when my emotional maturity paused because of the advent of mental illness. I like dressing like my daughter. I really like some of the clothing styles in the stores....(yeah...what about "Forever 21"?)
Well that was about 6 years ago or more. Mom has died and I inherited all her clothes..much of it being stuff I would never wear. However, I have been wearing things I didn't think I would, because 1) It's what I have left of mom.
And 2) Maybe it IS time to re-define my personal style and grow it up a bit. Part of the necessity to do this is that I'm once again almost the heaviest I've been and overweight people wearing clothes with their belly hanging out is really quite unattractive. (talking about myself here).
I've been thinking about mom with a new respect. She had RA and A Fib and Pulmonary Fibrosis and COPD. And EVERY DAY, no matter how sick she was, she put on makeup and fixed her hair. And she ironed ALL of her clothes and my dad's clothes...even blue jeans. Even when she had to iron sitting down and share the work in shifts with my dad....she refused to back down.
My earliest memories of my mom were me as a kindergartner going out the door in my walk to school...with the smell of coffee and lipstick lingering to remind me of her. It wasn't til later that I realized this....I left for school EARLY and mom had already put lipstick on!
Mom also worked to maintain her weight and not let it climb too high. I'd always thought of my mom as a bit heavy...and compared to my 85-100lb weight, she was...but NOW I see that she was beautiful and her weight was perfect.
My mom had a schedule....every day of the week had it's own task (Thursday is STILL my dad's shopping day! Although he has eased up a bit..) These routines are what held her together in times of stress and heartache. And --thanks to me--there was plenty of that.
In one of my last visits to mom...she wore no makeup. And she said to me, "I guess it really doesn't matter if I wear it or not." To me, that was a grave indication of her understanding that her time was short and energy shouldn't be wasted on things of little importance.
Goodbye mom....my Beauty Queen....my fashion model...my example...my encouragement.
Today is Valentine's Day. I totally forgot about it. I don't watch TV or read a newspaper...and for some reason it never was mentioned online. Therefore, no cards, no gifts..etc ... I could go tomorrow and get some half priced candy. ..and grab a card before they are taken off the shelves. Is that so lame that it would be bad? Or is it at least making an effort to acknowledge the ones I love?
My dad took me to the doctor yesterday...and we went to Salvation Army and I got a few tops that don't end mid belly like the ones I have now do. I got two pair of pants... I keep thinking about that rude lady at rehab....who went out and bought me a baby blue sweat suit. She gave it to me and then said "Here. THIS is how ladies our age dress!" I was very much out of it due to anesthesia delirium and that probably contributed to my crazy clothing style. The other thing is that I have a daughter who was then, right about the age I was when my emotional maturity paused because of the advent of mental illness. I like dressing like my daughter. I really like some of the clothing styles in the stores....(yeah...what about "Forever 21"?)
Well that was about 6 years ago or more. Mom has died and I inherited all her clothes..much of it being stuff I would never wear. However, I have been wearing things I didn't think I would, because 1) It's what I have left of mom.
And 2) Maybe it IS time to re-define my personal style and grow it up a bit. Part of the necessity to do this is that I'm once again almost the heaviest I've been and overweight people wearing clothes with their belly hanging out is really quite unattractive. (talking about myself here).
I've been thinking about mom with a new respect. She had RA and A Fib and Pulmonary Fibrosis and COPD. And EVERY DAY, no matter how sick she was, she put on makeup and fixed her hair. And she ironed ALL of her clothes and my dad's clothes...even blue jeans. Even when she had to iron sitting down and share the work in shifts with my dad....she refused to back down.
My earliest memories of my mom were me as a kindergartner going out the door in my walk to school...with the smell of coffee and lipstick lingering to remind me of her. It wasn't til later that I realized this....I left for school EARLY and mom had already put lipstick on!
Mom also worked to maintain her weight and not let it climb too high. I'd always thought of my mom as a bit heavy...and compared to my 85-100lb weight, she was...but NOW I see that she was beautiful and her weight was perfect.
My mom had a schedule....every day of the week had it's own task (Thursday is STILL my dad's shopping day! Although he has eased up a bit..) These routines are what held her together in times of stress and heartache. And --thanks to me--there was plenty of that.
In one of my last visits to mom...she wore no makeup. And she said to me, "I guess it really doesn't matter if I wear it or not." To me, that was a grave indication of her understanding that her time was short and energy shouldn't be wasted on things of little importance.
Goodbye mom....my Beauty Queen....my fashion model...my example...my encouragement.
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