Chris Tomlin O Come all Ye Faithful

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Limitations

I have a short half hour in which to write this post.My physical therapist is arriving then.This therapy is very painful but I'm so blessed with a gentle and kind lady to help me. I honestly think she is more distressed by my pain than I am.  She says I have a poker face, even in pain,so if I gasp or make a face, she knows I'm really hurting and will back off....but she will come back to it again....after loosening me up and generally the second time,I will be able to do what she is asking me to do.

What is God teaching me in this time?
He is showing me that people will totally not understand that if I'm not in a sling, or using a cane or wearing a brace of some kind then I can still be in horrible pain. And he is helping me to understand that people are not perceptive and they are hopelessly inadequate when they express their sympathy. It's much the same with psych illnesses.If I'm not speaking word salad, if what I say is coherent...then whoalah! I am cured.

Why are people so STUPID when it comes to perception? I really only HOBBLE in the morning or when the tendons in my feet are messed up by the PsA. I do not LOOK like I'm hurting. It's just the way I am. But it's not the greatest way to be if you need help. Picture this.Me,standing in front of a shelf at Walmart....and knowing for sure I will not be able to reach that can of peaches on the shelf and even if I could reach it, I could not grasp it and get it into the cart.So sometimes I've had to ask for help.One time there was no one around except a woman who had to be in her seventies. When I asked her if she was able to get the can for me, she gave me such a hateful look.I knew that trying to explain things would not have helped. I will just file it under "unjust insult"and move on.

Since I've had my arm problems I've tried to get the friend who drove me to the store to walk with me (I'm in a scooter because with my arms, I cannot steer the cart and with my legs I cannot walk very far at all.) I point out what I need and my friend puts it in the cart.

Now all of this has been eliminated by Shop Rite's blessed home delivery program. I order online and they bring it right into my kitchen.  It's completely wonderful and only costs what it would cost in gas for me to get to the store.

I am blessed to have a good friend, Ralph, who does local driving..like to the pharmacy or beauty salon or to church and back. We have good conversation and since he lives alone I think he likes to get out as much as I do. We are friends and nothing more and God has provided him for me.

Pain is lonely.It is isolating -- not just because I can't get out but because there is no one to share my pain. No one really who is even sympathetic.The last time my left hip dislocated...the Emergency Room doc was unable to wrestle it back into place...So they called my ortho surgeon..by this time the anesthesia had completely worn off so the doc was standing by my gurney while I whimpered, cried and called  out to Jesus to help me.  This doc is one who knows I do not display pain...he's the one who called me a Trouper.  He held my hand and he said with distress on his face, "I'm sorry.  This must hurt so much!" And that expression of sympathy meant so much to me.  He didn't understand the pain...he'd never experienced it--but he knew if I was a sniveling mess...that it REALLY REALLY hurt. My daughter was a difficult birth and I have to say that that was nothing compared to a dislocated hip,

Well my PT is here. I'm off to the torture chamber!!

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