It is Well with my Soul BYU Vocal Point

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Combing out the Tangle of Tragedy

I have been long on pain and short on energy this week.
Last night I had to cancel the dinner I'd promised my daughter to make for them....I could barely stand up.  I have to make it tonight.  I'd wanted to go the campfire at my pastor's house this week but making dinner will use up my last spoon (see  The Spoon Theory for explanation)

I apologize for talking so much about the PsA that so much limits my life.  I know it is not something that people want to hear about.  I'm supposed to Endure in Silence.  Or Be Brave and Suck It Up.  It is not cool to talk about this unless I am posting on a site that is specifically for use by those of us who suffer.  No one there will tell some one to "Get a LIFE" because there, EVERYONE would LOVE a LIFE.  Unfortunately it is just beyond our reach.  And to talk to people about how it feels to be an hour late and a dollar short is really  best done with people of similar troubles.  However.  This is my blog.  And I can say what I want here.  You don't have to read it if you don't want.  If it is too much misery to be swallowed at one time...then do what you have to do.

The point is:

  • I hurt
  • I feel left out
  • I feel forgotten...abandoned.
  • Did I mention already that I hurt?
  • I cannot have my choice in how I spend my day
  • I didn't sign up for this
Sorry for whining. I'm running short of courage.  I think about my future and I don't want to go where I'm being taken.  That's as far as this life is concerned.  Maybe this needs to be listed as well.

  • I have a future in heaven
  • God will more than reward me for what I've suffered here.
  • I will see the friends whom I've lost to death.
  • God will take away my pain.
  • I will be able to run and jump in those heavenly fields.
  • God will give me strength to get through my day
  • He will wipe away my tears.
  • I DID sign up for this 
 So this story, while presently a very sad tragedy will end in joy.  The other day I was reading a book and I told my daughter "I have to quit reading this...everything in this story is  a mess...a tangle of tragedy and it was stressing me to read the book....and I wanted to put it aside (Like many of you feel about me...and no, that's not paranoia...Many friends have had to shun me and go in other directions because my difficulties were too hard to bear. )

My daughter said to me, "But mom you're missing the joy that comes at the end when all the tangles have been combed out and all is well.  That's what books are about!"

I have to think about this.  People may put me aside....but they are then going to miss my joy---and the time when I meet my Bridegroom and am healed of all my diseases...It's the ultimate conclusion.  Folks...this is going to be one amazing HAPPY ENDING.  Stay tuned.....so that you can share my joy once I get to where I'm going.
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