This will have to be a quick post as I'm supposed to be going out in an hour. I should be spending that hour in the shower...but....nah. I can't stand taking showers when it's way too cold to think about undressing. And it is.
I've been a mess. Still able to speak coherently (most of the time) but these ideas I have: like the computer virus is STILL HERE and it has infected me and everything that I touch....and that somewhere there is some evil being amassing information about me which will be used ruthlessly against me. And that APPLE (yes as in Apple computers) has overtaken my computer via iTunes (which it really has btw) and it is consuming every bit of music I might ever own again...And that it is dictating to me what i may and may not listen to on my computer and on my iPod (which BTW it IS.) And that soon in this world all Christian music will be obliterated and the only stuff available will be sanitized, media-tized, world-i-cized... CRAP...becuase really that is all that is left on my iPod and in my music collection since iTunes got their hands on it. And I'm sure I will go to jail for libel as soon as I press the "Publish" button on this blog...but you know what? Not guilty...by means of insanity. the good thing about being insane is that you can say what you want and get away with it ....The bad thing is that no one ever pays attention to ANYthing you say because, "what does she know? She's Crazy."
So those are two of the ideas which are driving me nuts. And there are two others, which involve persons in my life and which I will not publish because while it's okay to defame Apple, it is not cool to do that to someone in your life. Oh and there is one more idea: that someone is breaking into my house. Yep. They are trying night after night...keeping me awake and I HEAR AND SEE corroborating evidence...however ...the problem is that ONLY I can hear and see this stuff. And so far, after months of trying to get in...they never have...only have succeeded in keeping me awake and on vigil for long night after night. And really , what the heck could they find to take anyway?? I have nothing that anyone would want..(.unless it's an iPod full of Apple-bleached Christian music.)
Anyway you get the idea. I'm living in anxiety and terror...and I KNOW there is no need for it. I KNOW that my God is greater than any mental illness or delusions...JUST like a person with OCD KNOWS it is not truly necessary to wash their hands a million times a day....KNOWing something...does not always strip it of it's power or grant it sanity.
It just doesn't.