The Sacrifice of Praise

Maybe some of you know this about me: I am fat.  LOL....I refuse to use a euphimism like "overweight" or "plump"....It's true that my weight gain is not entirely my fault.  I've been on steroids for months at a time and if you've ever been on a high dose of those, you know that you are NOT in control of what you put in your mouth.  NOR are you in control of what your body does with what you put in your mouth.  Guaranteed, it will put it in the worst two places possible: your stomach and your face.  However, months have passed since my last bout with steroids and I have only lost ten pounds of the ummmm 70 I regained. (after losing 70 two or three years ago).  Why is that?  I eat too much --although honestly, I do not eat massive quantities of things very often....but the truth is: if it is in my house-- I will eat it.  So the trick is not to allow things into my house.

Mistake of the day?  I baked cookies today.  True they are "only " 50 calories per cookie and filled with nutritious stuff like flaxseed meal nonetheless, 50x 10 =500.  So you see where I'm going here.
And this is after a week of eating within my calorie range and exercising almost every day. I"m thinking that these cookies are gonna have to go into the trash can.

Anyway...today, I saw a website called Prayfit.com and it is all about getting our bodies and our souls into shape (not in that order).  It's about our spiritual obligation to be physically as healthy as we can be.  I honestly am NOT as healthy as I can be.  But I desperately want to be so.  And I have not been approaching this task in the true sense that it is: a spiritual quest.  Getting my body into shape is an act of praise to my Creator.  And knowing that puts an altogether new slant on whether or not to pop that cookie into my mouth.

David said, I will not offer a sacrifice to God that costs me nothing.  Abraham was willing to offer the love of his life, his own son, - a sacrifice as costly as they come. Surely I can  offer God the sacrifice of the food I could eat but really should  not eat?  Surely I can offer to sweat for the sake of the Lord?  Surely the pain of some sore muscles is not too much to demand of myself on his behalf.  True. My body is not your ordinary body.  I have artificial hips - that keep dislocating; I have shoulder joints that are bone grinding on bone; I have feet that are so painful that it feels like I'm walking on broken glass.  PLUS, I cannot breathe with any ease.

HOWEVER: God gave me this body.  It is not to much to ask that I do everything in my power to make it a healthy weight and a decent strength...and to do so with the intention of bringing him honor and praise for the strength and health he has given me.  So that, folks, is my new quest.  I will bring you along for the ride and will report to you my progress, thoughts and struggles.  And the website I recommend you check out is www.prayfit.com

Missing You

I'm learning to adjust these days, having been left to my own devices by the illness of my chat buddy, who has been gone now for about three weeks.  She was admitted unexpectedly because of severe anemia...they tranfused her with a total of four units....but she became unstable with respiratory problems....ended up going on a vent, having heart surgery and is now in a rehab type facility, still on a ventilator.  I've been worried, sad, lonely, and bored to tears without her in my life to chat with.  I miss those days when pain would awaken me and I would turn the computer on at 2:00 AM and find her there. Our conversations at those times were funny.  They looked something like this.:

"Are you sleepy???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????]???????????????????????????????????
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"No, not yetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttjjkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkklllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll"

LOL.  no but seriously, we've shared a lot of laughs and I am intimately acquainted with her family as she is with mine....just by sharing each other's lives on a day to day basis.

I am praying fervently for you, my friend....You HAVE to come back to me.  That is what I want for Christmas.  For you to be well and able to talk again.

Promethean Failures

Sistine Chapel ceiling: Creation of Adam

I've been reading books on creativity lately. Art and Fear, which discussed the factors which cause artists to give up in despair and to cease working, is the one I finished most recently.  The book impacted me as it as it fleshed out the factors in creativity which make it so particularly demanding upon the artist. The term, "struggling artist" refers not only to the artist's financial status but to their angst of soul the great strain that they undergo in striving to create works of art: the Promethean agony of of the daily gorging of our livers in penance for our audacious attempts to create.

I had gotten new software for my tablet as I mentioned in my past post,  the software multiplies my ability to create infinitely; however with that ability comes much complexity and the need to learn and to understand the new software. I'm not positive I'm up to the task.  What had slowed me in the discovery of this technically demanding factor, was the fact that my brand-new pen was not functioning properly. It was not until today that I was able to combine pieces from my old and new pens to make one functioning pen and thus, was able to dive into the deep waters of the new software.

I have an idea for a painting –in fact  for a series of paintings– and they've been brewing for weeks while I was waiting to obtain the media necessary to create them. Now finally, with nothing in my way, I began to work and discovered that what was in my way still was ignorance of the new software. Not only that but the piece I'm working on now may not lend itself to the discipline of watercolor, which is how I'd initially planned to produce it.so I gave up in disgust and picked up the newest book I'm reading called  Into the Depths of God  by Calvin Miller.

Calvin Miller was, if you ask me, one of the greatest writers of Christian mysticism and discipline that existed in the the last century.  It was with great  sadness that I read today of his death but the truth is that he left us with an amazing  treasury of work, among which is this book. There is a chapter in it entitled "Aesthetics: Enjoying the Beauty of God"and in this chapter Miller describes the task of Christian artist and he bemoans the stunning failure with which we have met met this demand.  We have been relegated to PowerPoint choruses accompanied by more or less talented {usually less} drummers and guitarists.  The art which adjoins my churches walls is: missions posters, some banners, and craft–fully created collages of missionaries and their work. The building itself is singularly lacking in beautyand I would not define anything that exists within its walls as beautiful except the people which come to worship there. Have we forgotten that God is beautiful?? And that he is to be worshiped in the beauty of holiness?  Where has the beauty gone?

Rubens: Descent from the Cross

I confess that I am guilty of the fear that one feels when faced with the idea of creating something beautiful for God.. I feel inept, unworthy, and unskilled when called to the challenge of creating something for God's admiration. But mustn't we try, with every fiber of our being, to do just that? Isn't one of  man's highest callings to create a work which worships God and which places worship in the hearts of men who view the work? Should not our work reflect the Heaven for which we are aimed and headed? In the often quoted paragraph by CS Lewis which ends  with the sentence "We are far too easily satisfied with making pies in the mud..."it may not only refer to man's preoccupation with earthly matters but also with man's lack of aspiration in terms of his art. It does not embarrass us– as it should– to only produce sub-par work and then have the nerve to place it within God's   house or even in our own house where we will view it with eyes made by God!

The stakes are high and it is no wonder that my hand trembles when I pick up that the pen with which to paint.  It is no wonder that would-be artists, hang up their smocks, retire their easels, and take up plumbing instead. And yet is there no higher calling for which we might be delighted to be called? Is it better to be called to preach?  to care for the dying, a la Mother Theresa? No, This is right up there alongside those: the zenith; the summit; the Mount Everest of our calling and it is one that we sadly neglect.  We share in the Creator Heart of God and create works which magnify, extol and please Him.  What could be greater?