I know I just posted. And yes, here I am back again. My post caused all kind of discussion on FB and some ruffled feathers. And I have been thinking about two things:
1) Does a believer in the Lord Jesus have any business experiencing despair?
and 2) Is it a case of mis-labeling? Is what I'm experiencing really despair?
The Author of my favorite poem, ("Light Shining Out of Darkness")William Cowper (pronounced "Cooper") struggled with huge amounts of depression and despair....to the point where he attempted many times to take his own life. I have been there and done that 4 times. I have heard pastors express the idea that a Christian who kills himself will not go to heaven. I heartily disagree. Anyone who kills himself or herself is mentally ill. And it is the illness that kills them....not the sane portion of their minds. And God would never doom someone to eternity in hell for having an illness.
Cowper was certainly a Christian who passionately loved God, as do I. He wrote hundreds of hymns many of which are still sung in churches today. His theology is correct; his talent, immense; and his despair, profound.
Is what I am experiencing, "despair"? Maybe not. Maybe it is simply the fact that my life has been so limited that I'm simply not caring about the things that used to seem to me to be important....or meaningful...or fun. And if you take those three categories of things from a person, you can pretty much count on them having some emotional response to those losses. Or maybe not even from those losses because those things seem to have lost meaning to them already. And there they sit, in pain and with nothing that they can or want to do and they may say, (as I did) "Hey, this must be Despair"
I find, when someone comes to my house and expresses interest of admiration of anything I own, they will likely go home with it in their hands. I am happy to give away these bits of a life gone by; a life that has been stripped to the bones. But you know what? Something must move in to fill up these gaps. So I no longer paint or draw. I do not write for publication. I don't travel, I do not have a nice house with nice furniture.
Maybe it's time to ask myself "What remains?" People remain. Relationships remain. My prayer life and prayer ministry remain. God's Word remains. I never wanted to be the one with the hangdog face and the Eeyore attitude. I am a bit of a prickly pear... I know that. But prickly pears are sweet within, are they not? You cannot yell at a pear because of its prickles. That is the way that God made them.
My friend and Health coach, Beth, challenged me in a comment on FB in response to the first post I put up today. She too, is disabled and in pain. She clawed her way out of a deep pit of depression and overeating to the point where she was morbidly obese and then lost around 300 lbs. and now she is an encourager and a coach for people who are trying to lose weight and regain their health. And she said something that made me think. She says every day "What is my mission today, Lord?" "who can I help or give encouragement to?" Now I do that too pretty much only maybe not with as much mindfulness. I keep in touch with people for whom I am praying. I encourage them. And I let them know that they are not alone in their struggles...I am there praying for them and holding them up to Jesus.
Sometimes I think that I diminish and understate things like that about myself. I am honest about my questions and doubts and struggles...but I do not talk often about the good things that I do or my strengths so a person reading my writings may come away with the thought, "There goes one hot mess!"
But I think there is an essential point here and it is one that I may have missed in my last post although I did allude to it. Despair by definition, is "A loss of HOPE" ---have I lost hope? I do not have too much hope that I will ever be able to do all that I used to do. I do not have much hope that I will ever have much money. BUT I have oceans of hope in the Lord. And in my future in the Kingdom that is right on the other side, just waiting to burst through into what we call "Reality" but which Scripture makes very clear (read Colossions chapter 3 and Hebrews 11; 1) that the reality that we now see and touch is really UNREAL. What is "REAL" is yet to come here but does exist now on the other side of the veil. I have Faith that that is true. I have a sure HOPE that soon things are going to drastically change on this planet. And I have the certainty of a God who LOVES me and will love me forever.
So you know what? I do not despair in the future. I struggle with losses in the here and now. And sadness because of that. But this kind of sadness is not going to kill me. A loss of Hope can kill you.
Anyway....to end: Beth's challenge to me is a good one. What can I do today, Lord, to encourage the heart of those I meet? What positive healthy thing can I do for myself? And most important, "How can I bless you Lord? What can I do to show you how much I love you?"
1) Does a believer in the Lord Jesus have any business experiencing despair?
and 2) Is it a case of mis-labeling? Is what I'm experiencing really despair?
The Author of my favorite poem, ("Light Shining Out of Darkness")William Cowper (pronounced "Cooper") struggled with huge amounts of depression and despair....to the point where he attempted many times to take his own life. I have been there and done that 4 times. I have heard pastors express the idea that a Christian who kills himself will not go to heaven. I heartily disagree. Anyone who kills himself or herself is mentally ill. And it is the illness that kills them....not the sane portion of their minds. And God would never doom someone to eternity in hell for having an illness.
Cowper was certainly a Christian who passionately loved God, as do I. He wrote hundreds of hymns many of which are still sung in churches today. His theology is correct; his talent, immense; and his despair, profound.
Is what I am experiencing, "despair"? Maybe not. Maybe it is simply the fact that my life has been so limited that I'm simply not caring about the things that used to seem to me to be important....or meaningful...or fun. And if you take those three categories of things from a person, you can pretty much count on them having some emotional response to those losses. Or maybe not even from those losses because those things seem to have lost meaning to them already. And there they sit, in pain and with nothing that they can or want to do and they may say, (as I did) "Hey, this must be Despair"
I find, when someone comes to my house and expresses interest of admiration of anything I own, they will likely go home with it in their hands. I am happy to give away these bits of a life gone by; a life that has been stripped to the bones. But you know what? Something must move in to fill up these gaps. So I no longer paint or draw. I do not write for publication. I don't travel, I do not have a nice house with nice furniture.
Maybe it's time to ask myself "What remains?" People remain. Relationships remain. My prayer life and prayer ministry remain. God's Word remains. I never wanted to be the one with the hangdog face and the Eeyore attitude. I am a bit of a prickly pear... I know that. But prickly pears are sweet within, are they not? You cannot yell at a pear because of its prickles. That is the way that God made them.
My friend and Health coach, Beth, challenged me in a comment on FB in response to the first post I put up today. She too, is disabled and in pain. She clawed her way out of a deep pit of depression and overeating to the point where she was morbidly obese and then lost around 300 lbs. and now she is an encourager and a coach for people who are trying to lose weight and regain their health. And she said something that made me think. She says every day "What is my mission today, Lord?" "who can I help or give encouragement to?" Now I do that too pretty much only maybe not with as much mindfulness. I keep in touch with people for whom I am praying. I encourage them. And I let them know that they are not alone in their struggles...I am there praying for them and holding them up to Jesus.
Sometimes I think that I diminish and understate things like that about myself. I am honest about my questions and doubts and struggles...but I do not talk often about the good things that I do or my strengths so a person reading my writings may come away with the thought, "There goes one hot mess!"
But I think there is an essential point here and it is one that I may have missed in my last post although I did allude to it. Despair by definition, is "A loss of HOPE" ---have I lost hope? I do not have too much hope that I will ever be able to do all that I used to do. I do not have much hope that I will ever have much money. BUT I have oceans of hope in the Lord. And in my future in the Kingdom that is right on the other side, just waiting to burst through into what we call "Reality" but which Scripture makes very clear (read Colossions chapter 3 and Hebrews 11; 1) that the reality that we now see and touch is really UNREAL. What is "REAL" is yet to come here but does exist now on the other side of the veil. I have Faith that that is true. I have a sure HOPE that soon things are going to drastically change on this planet. And I have the certainty of a God who LOVES me and will love me forever.
So you know what? I do not despair in the future. I struggle with losses in the here and now. And sadness because of that. But this kind of sadness is not going to kill me. A loss of Hope can kill you.
Anyway....to end: Beth's challenge to me is a good one. What can I do today, Lord, to encourage the heart of those I meet? What positive healthy thing can I do for myself? And most important, "How can I bless you Lord? What can I do to show you how much I love you?"
2 comments:
The loss of hope is surely death. But if you never even the tiniest bit of hope, you have life.
interesting thought Jennifer. You might have life in a sense without hope but a hopeless life. Not one I want to have.
thanks for commenting.
c
Post a Comment