Crowder, Victory

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

100 Days

Well I just had thoughts of making a post and I wondered when my last one was....two weeks ago.  That seems to be the time frame in which I am working lately.

Well, I guess the biggest news is that, once again, my interest in my artwork has been piqued and I am taking steps to regain my hand at it.  I joined a Facebook group called "Fountain Pen Sketchers - FPS" and I thought what could be better? fountain pens AND artwork!!  (For those of you who don't know, I collect fountain pens and write with them and enjoy them daily.)...I looked at some of the samples of work on that site and was amazed by the talent I saw. A number of the people work as artists or art instructors.  It is obvious they know what they are doing.

Here I am, a relative greenhorn....not because I have just started but because I have done it so sporadically.  I was actively painting only for a few years of my life, (seriously anyway).  I never stuck with it enough to accomplish anything much. I did have a one person show of my work in a gallery and I've sold a lot of work--but never really rode the wave long enough to figure out how to surf.  And now, here I am with crippled up hands and 14 years between me and my last painting or drawing.... So I thought the group might be good for me and  I joined.

There I was introduced to something called the "100 Days Project" (www.the100daysproject.com) which is a thing where you decide to do something....it could be anything....for 100 days in a row.  There is a woman in the FPS who is on her 82nd day today of her 100 days of sketching with a fountain pen.  I was having GREAT struggles with anxiety...anticipatory anxiety and performance anxiety....and it was paralyzing me.  I did one drawing after I joined FPS but before I joined 100 Days.  Here it is:


I literally had nausea before I forced myself to pick up the pen.  But I soldiered through and completed the sketch. And today is Day 4 of my 100 Days.  Each day has been progressively easier.  Today, my largest problem was not anxiety but just a blah sense  of having no desire to be creative.  So I told myself..."Ok, pick up your sketchbook and a fountain pen and just sit here scrolling through your photos on your laptop." Which I did....and before I knew what was happening, I was immersed in a drawing.  (Here it is):
Please know that I realize these pieces are flawed and not very good...but just to have conquered anxiety and ennui and gotten something down on paper is a victory.  My hope is that after 100 days of forcing myself, cajoling myself and bribing myself to work, it will get easier and just like exercising daily does, it will become a daily regimen that is anticipated and enjoyed.  My goal is not to become a professional artist again.  I can't do the traveling and lugging of canvases and display racks from place to place. Nor can I get on the floor to cut mats and frame pieces.  But if I can do a sketch that makes me happy? That is all I ask.

I know this post is not the kind that will make you think....except maybe you have been thinking of something YOU should try for 100 days?  And maybe there are monsters like procrastination, fear, lack of self confidence or others that are holding you captive.  I urge you...be brave! be bold!  commit yourself to facing those demons head on.  And together we can work toward being all that God intended us to be.
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