Well, I've alluded both here and on FB to some great health challenge that I may be facing. I didn't really have any great reason to keep it a mystery....except that I needed to acclimate myself to the thought of what might be....and I didn't want a lot people knowing about it. One by one, person by person, to the people closest to me, I let them know---that this Monday coming I am having two breast biopsies. (one in my right breast and one in an abnormal lymph node.)
There were a flurry of tests. I met the surgeon. And now nothing but two days stand between me and who-knows-what? And then come probably the two longest days of my life while I wait for the lab techs to do their magic and then on Wednesday I will make the trek back to Middletown NY to get the news. The BIG news--because no matter what it is, it will be big.
How do I feel? What do I think?
I don't know. I feel (as my UK friends say) GOBSMACKED. (that expression always makes me laugh).
I could speculate. But I won't - simply because speculation is pointless. You all know the score: we know about breast cancer. It is shocking how common it is. It is cruel : a ravenous demon, devouring friends and mothers. Personally l have lost a mother in law and one of my best friends to this devourer and known of many others in my society of friends. Defeating it has become a national crusade.
But despite all the drama surrounding a diagnosis--I think it will be a denouement. It will be resolved quietly and without the drama; a simple "yea" or "nay." And no one will say it, but they should. "We're sorry ma'am for confiscating your days, for the extra trips to the medical center an hour from your home.. for scaring the bejeebers out of your family. All that, just to say "you're okay." And that is what will happen. ...............Right?