It's 5:20 AM. Day two of severe pain. As you likely know, pain is part of my daily experience.....but sometimes there comes a season of pain so severe that it trumps every other thing. Any activity I would need or want to do is rendered really impossible. All I can do is go from bed to recliner and back to bed....over and over all day/night long. I am so very grateful for the pain med I have....when I cannot stand the pain anymore, I have permitted myself to take a pain pill. Yesterday I had to break down 3 times and seek pharmaceutical assistance. This particular pain goes from a spot to the left of my low spine and radiates into my hip joint. I believe it is likely sacral pain---for which there is no cure and not much relief. Pain meds are the only option. I don't like taking pain meds this often. They constipate and also after a time, lose their effectiveness.
This morning I'm beset with anxiety. Fears about the future. What if my dad dies? What if my husband dies? I'm worried about the power lines from my house to the pole outside which are hanging low and heavy from wet snow. I'm even worried about CHRISTMAS!! I can barely breathe. I know it is an anxiety attack. I know that when and if these things happen, God will take care of me and will work out each problem. I start to pray. I put each fear into God's hands. Take these fears to the sea, Lord, bury them there in the depths of your love and provision.
Pain and worry. What a Sunday morning combo! The enemy is trying to circumvent gratitude and worship. So take it back!! Rip it right out of his evil hands and hand it back to the place it belongs: in my heart to be spoken to and directed back to the Father.
This morning I'm beset with anxiety. Fears about the future. What if my dad dies? What if my husband dies? I'm worried about the power lines from my house to the pole outside which are hanging low and heavy from wet snow. I'm even worried about CHRISTMAS!! I can barely breathe. I know it is an anxiety attack. I know that when and if these things happen, God will take care of me and will work out each problem. I start to pray. I put each fear into God's hands. Take these fears to the sea, Lord, bury them there in the depths of your love and provision.
Pain and worry. What a Sunday morning combo! The enemy is trying to circumvent gratitude and worship. So take it back!! Rip it right out of his evil hands and hand it back to the place it belongs: in my heart to be spoken to and directed back to the Father.
I have a good, GOOD Father...one who will never die and leave me with piles of legal forms to fill out. I have a good GOOD Father who will never grow feeble or need care from health professionals. I have a good, GOOD Father who will never get angry or impatient with my silly worries....but will reassure His complete abundant adequacy for every circumstance and eventuality in my future. I have a good GOOD Father who loves me deeply, completely, absolutely.
And I have a good GOOD Father who can heal me of my pain or simply give me the strength to endure it.
Thank you my Lord God....thank you that nothing I might fear is bigger than you and your love for me. Thank you for this pretty snow and thank you for keeping our power on.
Thank you for giving me strength to deal with this pain and for the meds you've allowed me to have. Thank you for my loving Earthly Father and for his love and provision for me; a model of your love.
Blessed are you Lord.
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