Wood and Nails, Audrey Assad and Josh Garrels

Monday, September 26, 2016

Barren

I apologize for my absence. I'm facing two factors causing my silence. First is that I have not yet replaced my laptop and really hate the slowness of my tablet or phone.  Second is that I have spent weeks just sitting in this recliner waiting for my foot to heal and it's difficult to come up with topics to write about when absolutely nothing iis going on!

Last Thursday I made the hour and a half trip to see my surgeon as a follow up to my fall last Monday.  I have to say that for probably the first time I did not leave there seething following being treated like a naughty child.  Both the nurse and the doctor were pleasant. So it was with some relief that I left and made the trek home.  Once again I had to call the fire men to make use of their muscles to get me in a wheelchair up the six steps to my house.

This time I came home with instructions: NO weight on my foot for two to three weeks. Following that I'm allowed to stand..not walk.And then I go back to see the doc after four weeks.  In two weeks I have two important MD appointments.   I am planning on going in my wheelchair.... But still have to, in some manner, get down and then up those steps. I will leave that in God's hsnds for now.

Mentally how am I faring?  Other than struggling with depression, I have been frightfully sane. The only abnormality I've experienced are some olfactory hallucinations. No "movies" (visual hallucinations), no delusions, no auditory nonsense. And this has left me strangely BLANK. Not many thoughts . No strong emotions. And this, rather than relief, has brought uneasiness.

When an alarm has been clanging for weeks, months on end...and it suddenly stops...the silence is deafening. That's how I'm feeling. I need something to replace the noise and the distractions.  What that 'something' might be, I have no idea.

I'm empty.
Barren.
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