I have been struggling with a few areas lately. These are the "I really should do such and so" and the day passes, the thought niggles and wiggles it's way into my brain like a worm in a compost heap. And yet, I do my best to ignore it, and then have to also do my best to ignore the guilt that comes from ignoring it. Face it, when you are stuck at home as often as I am, it is so easy to let entropy settle in and to really end up wasting a LOT of time. And then night comes and the "I should" becomes an "I should have" and then it gives birth to the tar baby, guilt.
Today I am drawing a line in the sand and stepping across it and ignoring the resulting terror and pain that comes with taking action of any kind.
What are the areas of struggle? (It makes sense of you to ask that).
1) The battle to strengthen and mobilize my body. I am working on losing weight and that is SO much easier to accomplish if you can maintain some level of activity. I have been scouring SparkPeople's videos and exercise demos looking for ones that will not kill my already damaged joints. I've made a list of some of these, targeting areas on my body that are the weakest and pudgiest. And today I FORCED myself off of my recliner and I did about 6 strengthening exercises. I have a battle plan...just have to guard against my inclination to go AWOL.
2) I want to get drawing /painting again. My hands are pretty crippled so the results may not be as polished as they might have been in the past. But that's ok. I'm not planning on showing these pieces in a gallery or trying to sell them. I look back on my life and the times when I was most productive creatively are the times when I felt most centered and alive. It is the process of creating art that I am looking for: that wonderful connection that comes when eyes and brain translate into motion and what was a thought becomes a solid reality.
Why have I had such a problem getting started doing something I love to do?
Plain and not-so-simple.
I have a book on my Kindle that I have read before. It is called Art and Fear and it is packed full of wisdom about the creative process and what hinders it. So I am re-reading that...and I have been trying to locate some of my art supplies (many of which are now in my daughter's possession) and to buy what I need to advance into action.
My goal is to do something next Monday...a sketch. a layout. an exercise. a collage. ANYTHING.
Avoidance and procrastination are enemies of the soul. They are literally mind and life killers. I never used to have these problems. I created as naturally as I breathed. But now, Life has happened and I find myself hindered. Just as God's Kingdom must be taken forcefully by strong men...so must this endeavor. It's got to happen and be birthed from the strength of my inner soul and carried out by an obedient (and cooperative) body.