Heartbreak has not eased up. Daily I am reminded that I am unloved and unwanted by the one who has promised to love me. I have reminded myself of these facts but it is so uncalled for and I am really a pawn in the face of rage...not my rage... but the rage that I am drowning in. I'm stressed by the hatred of this person toward me. I am stressed by pain. I am stressed from wondering what horrors lie in my future. And God calls me to throw these things away from me and let Him carry them for me.
We used to have Bible verse cups when I was a child. And every day my brother and I would squabble over who got the 1 Peter 5:7 tumbler which said "...casting all your cares on him, for he careth for you." Cares: Worries. Fears. Uncertainties. Frustrations. Unjust accusations, suspicions, finances, hatred--all of that. Cast it. Fling it, push it off of my back on to HIS. Let Him bear this. He certainly knew what it was to be despised and rejected. He knew suffering. He knew the struggle to breathe. He bore burdens...He carried the sin of the whole of mankind, past , present and future. And this burden being thrust upon me? He offers to take it as well. And because He has inexaustible resources and His is the strength that creation itself relies on to continue day by day....If He carries the weight of this wicked world so full of brutality and suffering--suffering for HIS Name and He hears the cries of widows and orphans then He hears MY cry also. And He says:
“Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great;" Matt 5:10-12a.
God never blesses the easy way out.
It would be easy for those believers in the Middle East to "confess that Allah is Lord" - but that is not the path of righteousness. And we have been told that "Narrow is the Gate and the way thereto and there are few who find it" Mankind is always looking for the easy way to do things. But that is often a path leading to sin: greed, laziness, sinful approaches to sex, rage--all of these things come as a result of catering to "Self." It is the "if it feels good, do it" approach. But no. God calls us to the narrow path of self-denial, making do with little, turning the other cheek, approaching abuse with patience and longsuffering.
Do I still call out to God for justice? Yes I do. But I do so with the understanding that escape may not be the path to God's biggest blessing...the answer to my prayers. "God would never expect or call you to a life of abuse"...Does he call those who are dying for His Name to a life of ease and comfort? No, theirs is the path of suffering. I understand that there are things we are called to endure--whether that means being the butt of curses and mistreatment or struggling through a life of poverty, enslavement and brutality.
People do not want to hear that. They want God to bless their divorces. Their re-marriages ("God would want me to be happy") and every sinful decision mankind makes.
Daily my "self" endures name calling of the worst kind; a raining of curses - constantly. And I bite my tongue and its response to this in my own defense. Let God be my Justifier. Let HIM punish or reward as He sees fit. All I know is I'm not going anywhere to escape. And I know that I am called to pray for my enemies and bless those who curse me.
"Lord, I am casting my cares upon you....to be carried on your scarred back, my Lord. Your word says you 'ride the winds to come to our aid'. I know you are working out a future for me of blessing; whether it is in this life or the next, I do not know. I know you are protecting me from greater harm. Lord may my actions and words be pleasing to You. Grant me peace in my heart that is unswayed by evil."
**( NOTE: If you are suffering abuse that is a threat to your life or safety, please do not take this to mean that you should not leave. This is the path that God has called me to, at least for now. But it is not a blanket statement for all who walk this path.)