Unspoken: I Lift my Life Up

Friday, July 25, 2014

God Alone is the Keeper of my Seasons



Today I was writing an email to a friend....and I got caught up in what I was writing, forgetting it was  a letter and thinking it was a journal entry.  In the letter I bemoaned the passing of a summer that I never once got to enjoy.  Moaning over the fact that I will probably never go to the beach again.  i went three years ago with my daughter's current boyfriend (back then) and my husband. And I found, to my horror that I could not take a single step in the sand.  My ankles and feet were too weak to tackle it.  So I got a ride on one of those horrific huge blown up wheelchairs and a muscular life guard pushed me until we to to a place where it was getting too crowded to get through. So even though I could not see the water from there, I told my navigator that "this spot is fine...thank you"...

Well I won't be doing that again....but I still taste in my memory the salt on my lips.  I feel the summer sun baking me brown....and red.  I hear the gulls bickering over a shred of bread.  I hear girls giggle and see them point to some sun-browned cutie.  I smell the coconut sun screen.  I see toddlers with their diapers water logged and hanging from their bottoms.  I read my book there - (fortunately it was on a Kindle Paperwhite so I was able to read in the sun.)  Just doing that little bit exhausted me  ....I laid my head on my daughter's lap in the car on the way home. and she was praising the wonderful way the trip had made her feel.  Me too.

And it saddens me that it is "never again"....

So while I was bemoaning all of this and how this summer and last summer were lost.....both of them were spent in hospital in illness...endocarditis and psychiatric....This year , so far, I have avoided the psych hospital but it has been a narrow miss and the summer still is not over.  I may end there yet.

My dad sent me an email that quoted a devotional by Beth Moore.  And she was sharing with a friend how God had put her aside and taken away her writing....a classic writer's block . However she felt that God had placed her there just to have her for himself.  She said she was in the shadow of his wing and there, although unseen by others, she was always on his mind....as he adored her there, protected and secure.

My dad and I have been conversing about about my purpose.....or lack of one.  Here in my house, put aside by bad health ---in pain with almost every occupation stripped away from me...Yet here I am...under his wing..And I have the purpose he has revealed to me.  Actually it is two -fold.
1) To PRAY-- oddly I've had 5 premature babies to pray for...and so far, only one has been "recalled"  - the others are getting stronger every day.
I also am drawn to pray for the persecuted church....
 2) to talk to some people online. ..to give encouragement, share the words of Jesus and the truths of them , to those I encounter online.

I pray that my words here will touch some of you. Maybe you are "put aside" for a span of time...or perhaps for as long as your life shall last.  Please know.  you are sheltered and protected and cherished and adored there.

1 I wait quietly before God,
    for my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress where I will never be shaken.
5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
    for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
    He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
    Pour out your heart to him,
    for God is our refuge.  
Psalm 62 1-2, 5-8

"He Alone..."  "He Alone," "God Alone..."
The words  above were mentioned that many times.  GOD ALONE is what we need.  When WE are Alone, we should know that HE ALONE holds the answer to our needs.  When we feel Alone, HE is there ALONE with us.

And it is there in the comfort of that wing sheltering us like the original down comforter--that God will begin to show us our purpose....even if it is "just" to give Him joy.  

So before you go about whining to others about the lost seasons of your life.....sit and think that maybe...just maybe...You are what God "needs" as he shows you that He is ALL we need.  Sit and let that soak in before you go blithering all about the planet as I have tended to do.  Let people see your deep contentment coming from your feathery safety.  But first....you are invited to "pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge."  


Thank you Beth Moore. 

And thank you Dad
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