Unspoken: I Lift my Life Up

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Did I Really Eat that?

I have NES which means "Nighttime Eating Syndrome"  I just bought a book on it yesterday...I first began to struggle with it when I was about16 back in the early days of my anorexia.They say there is a link between NES and anorexia but they didn't know what the link it.  I could easily tell them that. Anorexics are deeply ashamed of eating.They must do it in the darkness and privacy of night when they will not be caught. I would eat a half cup of ice cream and then be FURIOUS with myself that I'd given in. But you see, I was starving, literally to death. It very well could be that NES saved my life.

However, that shame and need to hide,still are inside me....so at night I wake between 1-4 X  to get up and get something to eat. If I don't give in, I will remain awake for the rest of the night and would suffer severe anxiety.  I've done this for 35 years.  every single night.  When I'm in the hospital I will ask for graham crackers several times in a night. It is deeply embarrassing but will-power is useless in the face of it.  I am hoping this book will give me the ability to overcome this disorder.

Because it is both a sleep and an eating disorder, it must be battled on two fronts. The book said people with NES have low levels of melatonin, so I will buy some of that and see if it helps. Meanwhile because I'm taking oral steroids last night, I was to face a long wakeful night with multiple "feedings"....so I tried to fight on the sleeping front. I have an herbal mixture that I make for my family and friends.  It is either for sleep, anxiety, or pain.  Now because pain often wakes me, it plays a role in my need to get up--I need to stretch and move and "while I'm up" will get something to eat.   And anxiety plays a role, if I deny myself the food, I get extremely anxious.  And finally sleep. I overcame the insomnia. I woke around midnight. I stood up but then had second thoughts.  I decided to go without that feeding. And I laid down and went back to sleep!! That was HUGE.

It's true that I then woke at 3:00....which is not an  uncommon time for me to end the night's sleep. I ate a slice of turkey breast and had a small clementine. I was still hungry. (with REAL hunger, not head hunger), so I made a slice of toast which I will deduct from my breakfast when I get up to cook it.  After that I was on my recliner wiht the laptop on my lap and I slept again til now, just before 7:00 AM.

So I think my experiment was a success.I don't know how safe these herbs are to take on a nightly basis. I don't know their effect when mixed with my meds.  I don't know how I would find that out. But I know I've never before been able to be awake and yet, not need to go and eat.

If you know anything about NES either treating it or if you have it yourself, please leave a comment....I would like to dialogue with you.


Post a Comment