I'm still in the hospital for asthma....coughing not constant now but still frequent paroxysms of convulsive attempts to clear "gunk" from my airways....Airways that are irritated and swollen in their own right and further obstructed by the ropey secretions that fill them....And I promise that's as graphic as I'll allow this post to get , so don't get prematurely skeeved.
My husband came in to see me this morning, this being his first morning back to work in the four days of my confinement in this medical center where he works.....He doesn't come in to visit of days when he is not working. Some people don't understand his reasons for that but I think that I do....and they are multifaceted ones.. I DO and DID get annoyed by his refusal to drive me to the doctor or to the hospital once it became apparent that this was where I needed to be. I cannot simply call an ambulance because for respiratory issues they would be bound by their rules to take me to the nearest hospital which is not the hospital where I need to go (due to my husband's being an employee here and thus our insurance restrictions keeping us here)....so the phone call went to my dependable dad....for whom is is a much longer trip than it would have otherwise been...but it is what it is...No sense beating a dead horse.
My husband seemed reassured as he spoke with me this morning that I was not suffering any further mental decompensation as a result of the steroid course....In fact the Rule of the Most Pressing Issues (for lack of a better title) has seemed to be enacted...There should be a law name for this effect; such as would be covered by the laws of entropy. And this law would state that, in most occurrences of multiple or multifaceted avenues or variables of suffering....the most acute; the one most directly effecting the survival of the human sufferer will be the one to take predominance; holding the lesser factors at bay until there has been a sufficient significant amount of energy reserve compiled to deal with an exacerbation of that factor as well.
In other words. I was losing some mental wherewithall....some ability to cope mentally had been diminishing...and this seemed dangerous and annoying-- UNTIL there entered a serious infection which I fully believe was for the period of a day or two, life threatening. ALL My RESOURCES at that point rallied to attend to this greater threat. And from there emerged an attack on my respiratory system and all my energy and focus, now that the infection is clearing...has been on keeping my airways free enough for them to continue to maintain the strength to continually struggle to breathe and to free my lungs via coughing fits....
And the slew of steroids which is filling my boly....? Well, eventually they could hit my mind. Or they can wreak their havoc in the form of muscle destruction as they have done in the past....And then I will be mentally healthy and engaged in an all out war with my muscles and the entropy that would then seek to destroy them.
And at the very end of the war? When the body is once more beaten into subjection by my mind? Is the mind then drained of all energy reserves and plummetting toward certain collapse as my doctor now suggests is her belief? Or am I carried on a victor's high.? Do I then engage in regaining my health and relosing the weight like I did two years ago...following such a debacle of health issues. I went on to be the healthiest and happiest person I could be --despite crippling pain and joint dysfunction.
So what does this mean in terms of strength flow? IN terms of importance to survival. I think it means this: the strongest parts of my Being....my spirit and my mind...are always the factors to step aside and to lend their support when the weaker, although more overtly "necessary" functions of my body are threatened. When ever there is no organic cause for psychosis such as was in existence due to the encephalitis I had several years ago...my clarity of mind will somehow pull through...somehow find the necessary resources to rally and lend support to my weaker, struggling body. So really which is the important part here? The weaker --but more critical "flesh:" or the resilient courteous mind who puts aside it's own crap and its own suffering to lend support to the struggling hurting body by which is it is encased and housed.
I recognize that this has been a little philosophical and erudite...but such questions really interest me...and as my psychiatrist has found for herself, in theories such as these can be found overall operating systems which may be tweaked and enhanced and encouraged to go in certain directions and used for the benefit of the body in which they are housed....ultimately for the benefit of the spirit which underlies and dominates all of those systems. And that spirit must dwell in and receive its strength from the Holy Spirit wherein I live and move and have my being. And this --it's nearness in type and kind ; spirit to Spirit--would explain the fact of its strength and it's ability to be resilient and recharged and of it's gracious willingness (not inherently its alone) to step aside and do the bidding of the Holy Spirit in rescuing this faltering physical "tent" in which I dwell.
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