Chris Tomlin O Come all Ye Faithful

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Crazy Card

I would say that the worst thing about being a schizophrenic in a world of "normals" is what I call "The Crazy Card."  And I would dare say that in a sense this is probably shared by anyone who has brain damage or memory loss.  The Crazy Card is this:  you are in a "dispute" or even a difference of opinion...and you bring up something that happened in the past...even the recent past,... to validate your point...or perhaps it is this event  that began the argument or dispute in the first place; you present your "take:" on what occurred.  And you are told "that never happened."  And  you KNOW it did.  Absolutely.  You were not psychotic when it occurred...the person is either very mistaken or out and out lying to validate their argument....and when you begin to insist on the fact that it indeed happened in such and such a manner...you get told, "How would you know? You are the one with sz." or memory loss or whatever.  And immediately no matter what you say...or how certain you are...or how RIGHT you are...the argument is over --and guess what? YOU  LOSE.  They have played "the Crazy Card"...declared that everything you recall , every perspective you have is no longer valid because YOU ARE CRAZY.

I've had the crazy card used against me time and time again.  Sometimes people use it to cover up their own wrong doing.  Other times because they are simply mistaken and don't want to admit it.  I could cite example after example where this has occurred.  Or it can also happen in the reverse...where they accuse you of something; something you KNOW that no matter how "crazy" you were...you would NEVER do...Simply because it opposes all of your morays and morals.   And no matter how crazy...you just would not do this thing.  And besides...you recall the incident in question with crystal clarity and IT JUST AIN'T SO.  And watch out...here it comes, "HOW WOULD YOU KNOW...you wouldn't  remember it anyway." or "how would you know, YOU ARE CRAZY" (even if it is said in more politically correct words...the bottom line is the same and it is this: Argument is over..you lose.  Because nothing you say ..now or ever...will hold any water or validity...because --you got it-- you are crazy.,

Sometimes even people I barely know will play the crazy card.  The card that trumps any in your hand...even if you have four aces...you lose. Because they hold that one despicable, low-blow crazy card.
It is for this reason that I am terrified of the day when I may ever have to go to court...in a divorce court or any other...Because I may as well not even take the stand ...
Because..yep.
I'm crazy.


addendum:
Sometimes having to just sit with one of these situations in complete helplessness, in order not to allow the helplessness and injustice of the occurrence  to eat me alive, I remind myself of these things:
Christ is my peace.  He is also the Holder of Truth and finally , He is my Defender.  I can put these times into his hands knowing that however he decides to handle it is for my best.  In the past....sometimes I've lost arguments...for months at a time...but then truth has come out..and I've been vindicated.  I can only pray that this will happen in every instance (hopefully in sooner than months :)  )
What reminded me of this truth tonight when I so badly needed it?

This:
Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou art
(words are from the song: Be Thou My Vision)
The Lord Jesus is my Treasure and my inheritance..and people's accusations cannot take that away from me.  I don't need their "empty praise." or their validation...Because my God and I know the truth....And nothing but nothing can take that or Him away from me.  So don't argue; don't try to defend...just allow him to take care of it in his time.
Post a Comment