I talked over my living situation at length with my pastor yesterday. I'd meantime discovered that my insurance company will not pay for a living situation other than inpatient rehab. And to manage anything else in terms of switching my Medicare coverage would require more time than I have prior to these surgeries... But we prayed together,...Pastor asked God to reveal to me clearly 'yes' or 'no' to the question of whether I should now go into an assisted living situation. I felt clearly God saying "no, not yet" and when we prayed again for him to confirm his answer, I heard God add, "I will provide for you."
So, I don't know really what that means or how it will come about. I suspect from what the Pastor said before we ended the conversation, that my church will play a part in this provision for my need for help. From wherever it comes, I just have to wait and trust that God has something in mind. At first I was so frightened by what's ahead of me that I didn't really want to hear a "no" to that question. I wanted the safety of guaranteed help. But since then--because I am so sure of God's answer to this question ...and because I know that my God delivers on his promises, I have relaxed and am now just in a "wait and see" mode.
I know there will come a time...maybe soon, when that question will be answered in a different way.,..and that it will be really clear when "the time" comes. I need to start thinking along the lines of preparing for that...making sure that my important belongings are dispersed as I wish them to be...and thinning out my other less important "things" cluttering up my home and my life. But for now...I'm here...and I know that is where I'm supposed to be.
Tonight I have Bible Study at church. I"m also in really really bad pain. Pain enough to make me seriously consider not going...even though I haven't been to a church activity in over two weeks...and really really miss it and miss the people there....The jury is still out. I know that if I go, it will be an exercise in clench-jawed endurance. And it will be misery. I have to ask myself if the joy of being there will outweigh the pain of going. It's a tough question. I know I won't be able to focus much on the discussion...but will be happy just to BE there around my faith-family. Wow. Do I ever HATE having to be isolated here - apart from the goings on. It was bad enough not to be able to participate in any "extras" other than the church service over the past year. Now for it to be so really hard to go at all...well, it bites.